I HEAR YOU

VII: CALVIN

"Why did you draw me?, " she asked while staring at an old paper we found in one of Carl's boxes upstairs.

"I just felt like it, " I answered as I stared at how she looked at the drawing. "You don't like it?, " I suddenly felt afraid of rejection.

"No!, " she abruptly said loudly. "It's beautiful, " she added.

Just like you. I wanted to say but I could never say it.

"Teach me, " she practically jumped in excitement.

"Why?, " I asked her. Not that I wouldn't but I thought she wanted to plant. "So I could draw you too, " she answered grinning. It was an innocent answer but it set something in my stomach and my heart beating faster.

She grabbed a stack from the box and looked for a pencil she could use among the scattered ones on the floor. I stared at her. How her thick black hair falls down her shoulders whenever she dips her head down the paper as if she couldn’t see clearly. How the pink and white paints over her lips when she presses it together. She’s thinking. I know. She always does this when she’s thinking. Her eyebrows suddenly met and she frowns. She whipped her head at me and looked at me disapprovingly. I abruptly shifted my gaze to the paper she was looking at earlier.

“The paper is too old,” I quickly added. You can’t judge me. It was all I could think of at that moment.

It was her. It was always her. She doesn’t make me tongue-tied but she makes me say things without thinking. She makes me make a fool out of myself but I also knew that I wanted to be the willing fool.

She snorted and a line forms at the side of her eyes. She was giggling the next second and said, “Carly’s not young.”

I laughed. “Don’t let her hear you say that,” I added laughing.

She squinted her eyes and smiled brightly. Too bright.

“What did I say?,” she asked me.

I snorted and laughed loudly. “That Carl’s old!,” I exclaimed just then something hit my head. I didn’t have the time to say ‘ow’ this time and followed the thing bouncing lightly from my feet and a few centimeters away from where I stood. The red strapped slippers looked back at me, at least I imagined it to be looking back at me.

“Ha! Who’s old now eh?,” a voice from behind called at me.

Sofia started to laugh. The laughter stomach-clutching. Her laughter louder than I’ve ever heard from her before. Her laughter with hands clapping and her eyes pulled into a slit on her face and her two sets of teeth in front showing.

I should have said something to express my distress but I wasn’t in distress. I was under an enchantment. Iya's enchantment.

“Stop staring!,” I didn’t realize she had stopped laughing. I guess the spell  she casted on me kept everything I see in slow motion. I cleared my throat. “I just wanted to make sure I got your face right,” I said bending down as I rummaged through the pencils on the floor. I hear her hum in response as a flop echoed through the small living room we were in. She had sat down.

I didn’t want to look at her so I continued to rummage. I wasn’t looking for something. I just couldn’t look her in the eyes. I’ll probably blurt out things she didn’t need to know. Like how I adore her when she scowls at the wall and at the edge of the table when she suddenly bumps into them. I adore her hands on her hips attempting to be stern like Carl. I adore her snorts when she laughs. I adore how she whispers at night when she sneaks out of their house. I adore everything about her. No. She doesn’t need to know. That I like her. At least not now.