[Excerpt]:
"Does it bother you?" He asked, after an incisive moment of silence.
"Does...what bother me?" I immediately returned, unable to decipher the objective behind the closed-ended question.
"The way I stare. At you." He pondered, as his dark...
Clearing his throat, he grabbed the two-sided menu set on the table in front of him and began determinedly skimming through the options. For a while, we were occupied by a grilling awkwardness, until I couldn't take the foreboding silence any longer and decided to put an end to it.
"I-I'm glad you came today, really. I just-honestly, I don't even know where to begin. To be fair, I can't seem to wrap my mind around how we actually got to this point." I began, already going off-script from what I'd thoroughly rehearsed.
From the sound of my scrambled words, Caleb slowly gazed up from his menu. He threw me a thoughtful stare before releasing a short breath of air.
"I'll start. I've missed you." He declared, appearing unmistakably sincere as his dark eyes pinned me to the spot. Coupled with his accent, the decorum of his forward statement hit quite intensely.
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Safe to say, I was not expecting him to speak so candidly. I mean, how exactly did he expect me to respond?
In that particular moment, it was difficult for me to form the right words to say or the appropriate actions to take because I didn't want to risk the chance of leading him on any more than I already had. Yes, it was true that I also missed him. But, that was strictly as friends.
The passion, love, and intensity I felt for Kendall didn't reside in the same city, let alone country, when it came to my unresolved feelings for Caleb. If I was smart, perhaps I would have settled for the more comfortable option of being with the man sitting in front of me. But, the adventurous, dangerous, and compelling moments I'd shared with Kendall made my decision firm.
"Caleb, I-"
"Don't, Sasha. I know. It's him. In fact, deep down, I probably already knew a long time ago that there was someone else. You wouldn't let me into your heart. I realize now that it's because there was no room for me. I guess I just thought I might have still had a chance." He admitted, more to himself than to me.
Reaching an arm forward, I placed my hand over his fisted one in a comforting manner. "Caleb, I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. It was me. I shouldn't have strung you along and left you waiting while I sorted out my feelings." I said honestly, while he returned a manufactured grin.
On paper, Caleb and I were a perfect match. We were compatible. We we were comfortable. We were Black.
During the times I'd spent with him, we shared several authentic moments and lived experiences that made it effortless to connect with each other on an even deeper level than Kendall and I. However, that wasn't enough to give up on the discerning feelings I was beginning to develop in my current relationship.
"There's no doubt in my mind that you're a good man. So, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you where my mind was at sooner. And, I want you to know that I'm truly sorry about what happened between you and Kendall. I understand if you never want to speak to me again, but I was hoping that, after all this, we could still be friends." I ended on a positive note, waiting to see if he'd accept the olive branch I'd willfully extended.
