Like Starlight and Wine (A Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion x Tav Fanfic)

5. An Oath of Vengeance

And something dark, and awful. Unspeakable. But I don't say that part out loud.

"Huh, so you really don't know who you are, do you?" Astarion ponders, rubbing his chin with slender fingers. "And you haven't even left yourself so much as a hint inside that little bag of yours?" He points to the pack I carry my things around in.

"I... I don't know. I haven't checked."

"Well go on then," Astarion urges. "Open it up. Maybe there's a little clue inside about who you are. A letter from a friend. An ID of some kind."

He's right. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. Maybe I was just avoiding it. I know in my past I was something awful, and I'm scared to find out. But I must find out sooner or later, before this thing in me... this Dark Urge, does something awful.

My hands are practically shaking as I open my pack and begin to search around. At first I don't find much aside from the food and supplies that I'd been stuffing in there mindlessly for the last few hours. But at the bottom of the pack, I come across something else. Something that must have been there all along. It's a book. It's titled "Paladin Oath's and their Tenents."

"What's this?" Astarion asks nosily over my shoulder, practically shoving his face into mine to get a closer look at the book. "Oh, so you're a paladin, are you? Took an oath to some noble or power-to-be? Why ever on earth would you do that to yourself?"

"I... don't know," I say, turning the book over in my hand. "I don't remember any of this."

"Well... what kind of oath is it?" Astarion persists. "Are you a self-righteous, holier-than-though, stand-for-up-for-the-weak sort of paladin? An obnoxious, hypocritical bastard who calls herself a hero? Because if so, I'm not sure I can look at you the same way."

"I told you, I don't know," I snap, perhaps harsher than I intended. I can't even think straight with all of his incessant chattering.

"My, my. So snippy," he draws back ever so slightly, giving me breathing space. "Why don't you at least open it up to find out?"

"Of course I'm going to open it," I reply shortly. I just... need to gather my courage first. My hands are practically shaking as the old spine of the book crackles open. And there on the first page we see it. The oath.

An Oath of Vengeance against villains, betrayers, oathless fiends. An oath to incite wrath upon the wicked. But why would an abomination like me make such an oath? Now, I have no idea what to think. Instead of learning more about myself, I have even more questions than answers.

"So you're a vengeful paladin?" Astarion says, finally satisfied. "I suppose I can get behind it, though I'm still not a fan of oaths and gallantry and all that. Once you've made oaths like these, you really can't get out of them easily. My condolences."

I snap the book shut, practically cutting of his nose between the pages. Then I clutch the book tightly to my chest, practicing  calming breaths so I can resist the urge to wring his scrawny little elf neck. The way this man talks to me really gets under my skin. I'm over here fretting about my past, and he's done nothing but poke fun. Is everything a joke to him? Does he even possess a serious bone in his body?

"Come on, let's go," I finally say with a huff, stuffing the book into my pack and standing to my feet.

"My thoughts exactly," Astarion replies, as I turn my back on him, not bothering to look his way before picking my way along the path again. "However... you do seem a little angry."

"I'm not angry," I bark, sounding very decidedly angry.

"See, that's the tone that makes me think you're being a smidgen dishonest with me."

Gods. What can I do to make him stop talking again?! I wonder, grumbling and muttering profanities under my breath. I liked him better when he was silent.

"I'm not angry!" I repeat, unable to hide the low growl in the back of my throat.

"See, there it is again? That tone."

"Can we just drop it already?" I grumble, adjusting the pack on my back as we walk along the beach once more. "We need to focus on more important things. Like finding a way to rid ourselves of these mind flayer tadpoles for instance."

"Right you are," Astarion agrees. "But... that may have to wait until morning." He motions toward the orange horizon where the sun has slipped across the sky, and is now dipping down into the ocean waters far off in the distance. Nightfall is coming.

"Ah... I suppose we should search for a place to set up camp then." I reply absently. My mind is still swirling with thoughts of the oath that is now stowed safely away in my pack. A Paladin. I'm a Paladin. But why? No one just makes oaths like that on whim. Especially not monsters like me. Will I even be able to uphold the oath?

As the sun slowly disappears below the horizon, Astarion and I pick our way through the wreckage, looking for a suitable place to stop and rest for the night. Then, at the outskirts of the crash site, we see it. Something... not dead. A sign of life. Though it's not one of us. Not a victim infected with a parasite. It's one of the creatures that abducted us, and inflicted the tadpole on us. There, pinned under a large piece of burning debris, is one of them.

"There," I call out. "A mind flayer. And it's hurt..."

"Be careful," Astarion warns. "Even hurt, those things are dangerous."

But I'm hardly listening. I approach the dying monster. This thing that abducted me. I stand above it, looming over it, the same way its kind loomed over me when I was helpless, and inserted its little parasite into my eye. But now, the tables have turned. Now it is the one who is weak. Helpless. I could end its life here and now. If only I didn't feel... compassion.

Compassion?!

No. I should be furious... shouldn't I? Yes, I feel hate. And I deserve to be punished for it. I should be whipped - made to bow before this creature in shame!

It's... 

It's possessing my mind, forcing me to... love it. But then the feeling slips. The creature's mind seems to focus elsewhere. I take the opportunity to concentrate on its thoughts, to read it's mind. I try to break through, but its mind is impenetrable. With a last surge of defiance, it slaps my efforts away. There the monster lies exhausted, defeated. Its eyes, wet orange pearls, radiate malice.

Now would be the perfect time, to practice my oath, wouldn't it? The oath of vengeance. To end this evil villain. To incite wrath upon its wickedness. To close those virulent eyes forever.

My foot moves, practically of its own accord. I stomp down onto it with as much force as I can muster. Its delicate head shatters beneath my boot. It's thin skull cracks sickeningly, chunks of brain matter and blood spray out around me, like a putrid, rain shower of gore. I practically revel in it. And I can't tell if it's because I've fulfilled my oath, or because the dark urge stirs within me, squirming with excitement at the mind flayer's glorious death. Either way, I don't much care in this moment. The creature is gone. It got what it deserved.

"Monster," I spit above it's mutilated head. "Death is too good for it."

"Hear, hear," Astarion cheers me on, although, just as it has been with all of his other words, nothing out of his mouth sounds completely genuine. "I think we can both sleep easier tonight knowing there's one less of those horrid creatures in this world."

"Yeah," I pant, working to catch my breath from the rush of adrenaline and ecstasy. "But what about the thousands of others that are still out there?"

"True," Astarion agrees. "But that sounds more like a problem that can wait until tomorrow. For now, it seems like a good time to stop and rest, don't you agree?"