you belong with me - Olivia Rodrigo

So, now we're talking?

On the night of Alex's party, Olivia and I continue our act, playing the perfect couple. Despite the loud noises of the music blasting and the people chatting around us, the thoughts in my head felt louder.

Olivia leans in and whispers, "Let's keep up the act tonight. I want to make sure Josh realizes what he's missing." Her words, which usually motivated me, now brought out a whole new set of emotions. As the night progresses, the voice inside my head starts to get louder.

I think I have feelings for Olivia.

How could I be so stupid? I should never have agreed to this plan.

Suddenly, everything becomes too overwhelming—the flashing lights, the music, the amount of people in the room. Most of all, the scent of Olivia's floral perfume, the sight of her in her party dress that looks way too good on her right now, and the feeling of how soft her hand is in mine and how they fit just the way I want them to.

I need to get away from Olivia. Right now.

I excuse myself from Olivia, telling her that I needed to get a drink, and I quickly walk away from the living room towards the kitchen. I quickly grab whatever bottle of alcohol is closest to me, as well as a plastic cup.

I fill it halfway and chug it instantly, not even giving my throat a chance to react to the burning sensation. I do the same thing again, and I'm about to chug my cup the third time before an arm grabs mine and stops me.

"Slow down, Y/N. That's straight vodka, are you insane?"

I look at the person behind the hand that was holding my arm and turn to see the small, jet-black-haired girl who I was head over heels for three years ago. I put my cup down, glancing at the bottle in my other hand.

Shit, it is vodka. I didn't even realise. Oh no, I'm definitely going to regret this tomorrow.

Turning back to Jenna, I see the concern in her eyes. All the complicated emotions I've been wrestling with over the past month resurface.

Up close, Jenna looks different, more grown-up. She's prettier, and her freckles have gone darker. But her eyes have lost their familiar sparkle.

At first, my heart swells as I remember the old Jenna that I used to talk to every day. But then I start to feel angry, remembering how she just turned into a total stranger to me and Isa.

"So, now we're talking?"

Jenna's expression tightens, and she takes a step back. "Y/N, it's not like that—"

"It's not like what? It's not like you've completely abandoned your friends? You act like we haven't known each other almost our whole lives." I sigh, frustration evident as I run my fingers through my hair.

Taking a deep breath, I try to keep my voice calm. "Look, I get it if you don't want to be friends anymore; it's been years. But you ghosting Isa the day after I leave? She didn't deserve that."

Jenna looks down, avoiding my gaze. "I was going through some stuff, okay? It wasn't easy for me either."

She looks up, but this time her expression shows anger. "You left me first. You left us, remember?"

"That's not fair. I didn't have a choice."

"You never reached out"

"Because I didn't know if I was coming back," I defend. The tension in the kitchen was getting intense. Some of the people in the kitchen around us were starting to look.

I was angry now. It felt like she was trying to put the blame all on me. I was only 14 years old and my mom was forcing me to leave my hometown and all my friends behind. I wasn't even allowed to have a phone back then. I never reached out because I knew it would just hurt even more.

I take a step closer to Jenna, keeping my eyes on hers. "Is that why you've been ignoring me? Because I didn't reach out?" My voice is harsh.

Isa pulls me back, trying to deescalate the situation and keeping a good distance between me and Jenna, "Hey, hey, let's take it down a notch, shall we?"

Jenna and I remain still, our eyes on each other.

Then she looks around, noticing how many people in the kitchen are now listening to us. For a split second, I see panic on her face. She looks back at me before turning around and walking out of the kitchen.

Between all of my pent-up emotions for Jenna, my newfound discovery of my feelings for Olivia, and the amount of vodka in my system, my mind is starting to feel like a tornado.

I feel like crying, and tears start to form around my eyes. I grab my cup that I set down earlier, and I chug all of the liquid inside of it too.

Isa notices me starting to break down. She quickly drags me out of the kitchen, through the living room, and up the stairs. I keep my eyes on the floor while I let Isa take the lead.

The stairs start to look fuzzy; I don't know if it's because of the tears blurring my vision or the alcohol kicking in. Probably both. I try my best not to stumble on any of the steps.

Isa pulls me into an empty room and sits me down on the bed. She sits next to me and carefully looks at my face. I can't hold it in anymore, and immediately, I burst into tears. She pulls me into a hug, and I hug her back as tight as I can, letting all my tears onto her shoulder.

When I calm down and stop sobbing, Isa grabs my face and forces me to look at her.

"Y/N...." She comfortingly brushes my hair with her fingers. "You want to tell me what's going on?"

I crack and I tell her everything. Everything.

I tell her about Olivia suspecting something between Jenna and me in the game of Never Have I Ever to Olivia proposing a fake relationship to get back at our exes. I tell her about Olivia and me talking on the phone most nights and building a real friendship, ironically, through our fake romantic one. I tell her about how all of our public displays of affection are all for show to grab the attention of Josh or Jenna. I tell her about my growing unrequited feelings for Olivia.

"Jenna's finally paying attention to me and I'm catching feelings for someone I'm pretending to date. I didn't mean for things to get so complicated." I offer Isa a weak smile, realising the weight of the mess I've created.

Isa pulls me into another tight hug. "I didn't know you were carrying this all by yourself, Y/N. I wish you told me."

"I'm so sorry for keeping you in the dark, Isa." I wipe my tears off my cheek and sniffle. "I should've told you from the start. Maybe you would've stopped me from getting involved in this stupid plan."

She laughs, "You know this is like the biggest cliche ever, right? Two people fake dating each other, and they accidentally fall in love. You're literally the main character in a rom-com right now."

"Yeah, but it's more like I fall in love, and she's thinking about her ex."

Isa shoots me a look that I can't read, a mischievous glint in her smile. "You never know," she shrugs.

What does that mean?

"So, what's your plan now?"

I sigh, contemplating my next steps. What is my plan? I can't just avoid Olivia. Should I move towns again? Just kidding.

"I don't know. I think I'll continue pretending to be Olivia's girlfriend until Josh takes her back. After that, I'll just stay friends until I can shake off these feelings. We've come this far, you know? I can't just suddenly back out."

"What about you and Jenna?"

Jenna. I'm confused about that too. Do I still like her? But I'm starting to like Olivia....I can't have both of them. Actually, right now, I can't even have either of them.

"Okay, this is clearly stressing you out." She rubs my shoulder comfortingly, "Maybe you should tell Olivia the truth? I don't know if continuing to fake date her is the best idea, Y/N."

"I know, Isa. It's just... I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't want to make things awkward between us. Olivia is my neighbour, and we'll still see each other every day even after this plan ends. I don't want things to be weird between us."

Isa gives me a sympathetic look. "Well, just be careful, okay? But I'm here for you no matter what."