Pixel : Everything Has Changed

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Another concern in regard to the general timeline of important plot points is that the main object of the plot—Silas and Oliver's relationship—seems to have taken a back seat to Silas's problems. Of course, spending a scene or two establishing Silas's situation is necessary, and I think that using Silas's plan to run away as a plot device to bring him together with Oliver is also very necessary. However, I think too many scenes come before that essential moment where the plot finds the excuse to make Silas and Oliver spend time together. The book as of now reads like the main object of the plot is Silas finding freedom instead of Silas and Oliver getting together, so it doesn't feel like a romance book in that sense. Although Silas can and should have his own goals/motivations, the plot of the novel is a separate thing altogether. I suggest defining the plot's goal and prioritizing that in the narrative.

That aside, I think that you spend a little too long describing things that have little value in terms of plot development or characterization. For example, in chapter two, you walk us through Silas waking up, getting ready for school, walking to school, going to school, talking to a friend, and going to class. Much of this list doesn't feel very important for you to show to the readers, and I felt like you could have cut or summarized nearly all of it in a sentence or two and begin with his bullying scene with Damien. It would be tedious to list every single scene that feels a little too long or strays a little off focus in describing the weather, so I would just suggest that you ask yourself what you're trying to do with any given scene. Are you trying to show that Silas is dissatisfied with his home life? How many words can you accomplish this in? Can you demonstrate this in a paragraph or two?

Now, I'm not saying that you try to condense all your important details within a paragraph or two. If it's something that you or your readers would find interesting, then absolutely write more about that something. However, you also need to account for other things such as spending too much time on a detail that doesn't really matter too much in the grand scheme of things. Being careful with your words is especially important in the opening chapters, so choose your priorities carefully.

Is the plot compelling to root for?

Not as much as it could be. The plot could be more compelling if you strengthened Silas's emotional connection to the plot and streamlined the pacing a bit.

CHARACTERS

Are characters' desires and fears clear?

A character's desire is what they truly want and is the motivation behind their actions. A character's fear is what they're running from over the whole plot whilst pursuing their desire. It's important to show these so readers can better see how a character will experience development and also make them more interesting.

Based on what I've read, I think that Silas's true desire is to be free, and his deepest fear is of imperfection (?). His desire seems clear enough, but fleshing out his fear a little more can provide tension and internal conflict. What is the deep-seated fear stopping Silas from obtaining what he wants?

I'll make up an example of how fear interacts with desire. Say Silas desires true freedom, so he tries to obtain that by moving in with Oliver and exploring a side of himself that he could never show his family or peers. In that case, a fitting fear could be his fear of being imperfect or 'wrong' that manifests in his internalized homophobia which stops him from fully embracing his desire for freedom. You already have the elements of fear and desire in your draft, but if you manipulate them just right, you can pit fear and desire against each other to create internal conflict that would naturally lead to character development.

On the other hand, I have no clue what Oliver desires or fears. You don't have to define these things for every single character in your book, but major characters that have their own character arcs do need them, especially romantic interests in a romance novel. I think that you could improve Oliver's likability and relatability if you gave him an internal struggle between his fears and desires, too.

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