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Abi : Cyclone Girl 3

Cyclone Girl 3 by it_s_me_sana
Reviewer : msleeria

COVER: 10
BLURB: 15
CHARACTER: 15
ORIGINALITY: 15
STORY TELLING: 15
STORY FLOW: 15
GRAMMAR: 15

COVER: 5/10

As someone who doesn't know the story of Whirlwind Romance, on which this book is based, I'm unable to grasp anything from your cover. Initially, I thought the girl had a power related to cyclones because of the silver effect in your cover. There was also a girl holding a fan, so I thought she had a power that controls the wind. But reading the first chapters of your work, I was wrong. May I suggest you pick a cover that's more related to the plot of your story? The cover is the first thing that readers see. Your cover makes or breaks the story. Your book is initially judged by looking at your cover. There are a lot of graphic artists here in Wattpad, and I'm sure many artists would want to help.

BLURB: 5/15

I understand that this is a fanfiction. However, many people (including me) do not know the plot of the original series where this fanfic is based. I suggest you write down the synopsis of your story in your blurb. The blurb became an Author's Note portion, which shouldn't be the case. You may place that at the top of your 1st chapter before you begin the story. Or you may include that in your character page right before introducing your characters, just not in the blurb. Blurbs are supposed to be the overview of your book.

CHARACTER: 5/15

I'll have to focus & be specific on the two main characters only. As for the sub-characters, I will review them in general.

You have introduced many characters in the first chapters of your book, and I'm still trying to figure out who the main leads are. Judging from where the story goes, I'd have to assume that Tinghao & Baicao are the main leads.

Tinghao - I first thought Ruo Bai was the main male lead since he was introduced first. However, Tinghao was the first on your character page, and reading the first chapters of your book, he was often mentioned by the female lead. I cannot grasp Tinghao's character. He's cold, then suddenly he smiles, then he's cold again. The shift in the personality does not have a basis. I suggest a more concrete build-up in the character. A gradual shift in the character would be better. You introduced him as a stern person. If you want to show his soft side, you may gradually give the readers hints about what makes him soft.

Baicao - I could picture Biacao as a cute & pretty lady. Many guys like her, but she's down to earth and doesn't put it in her head. It's great that the character build-up was there for the female lead. However, there was no growth in her character. There's just something missing. Her character does not have a huge impact, given that she's the lead. Please describe her more. What lightens up her mood, what irks her, how deep she loves, and so on. The build-up is already there, just a bit more push.

As for the other characters, you made an effort to put their pictures so we can imagine them while reading. That's great! But remember, build-up and distinct characteristics for each character is a plus!

ORIGINALITY: 5/15

Since this is fanfiction and the plot is not stated in the blurb, I have no basis for originality. I did a little research about the Whirlwind Girl's plot to have something to base this on. Your story & the original series are very similar. It's like you only rewrite the story in your own words. You could add your climax or twist if you like. This is your story. You could bend it however you want, so go for it!

STORY TELLING: 5/15

I need to be honest here. This was a difficult read for me. The transitions were not correctly done. Changes in setting were not adequately stated. You were telling the story of a specific character in one paragraph. Then, in the other paragraph, you'll shift to another setting & character with just the words "And here....."

I suggest you place (__).

For instance (At Tingaho's company) or (At the Hospital). These could make a huge difference.

STORY FLOW: 5/15

The story flow could be better. You would jump from one setting to the other. I can't understand where the story is going or what you want to tell us.

You could organize how your story flows. For instance, the first part of your chapter 1 would be about Ruo Bai and why he ended up in the hospital. That way, we could grasp his character & get to know him well before jumping into another character. You could introduce the nurse's feelings for him in the succeeding chapters. Let us embrace one character at a time. We want to get to know each of them well.

GRAMMAR/COHERENCE/SPELLING: 5/15

It would be best if you worked on this. I can't specify one because there were a lot of errors. Every line has an error. But here's the good news. I can feel your passion. Yes, it was a difficult read because of the numerous grammar errors, but I can feel the effort & passion you have while writing it. Proper grammar can be learned, but you cannot learn passion. It comes from within. And you have that. You have the upper hand.

You may watch YouTube videos or search about subject & verb agreement through Google—singular & plural, as well as the tenses. You can find all that on the internet. Learn it & apply what you learned in your work & you'll be great!

FINAL THOUGHT: 35/100

Weakness: You need to work on your grammar. The story flow will follow if you have already learned the basics. And everything else will, too.

Strength: Your strength is your heart. Keep the passion burning. I can feel how your heart & passion burn just by reading your story. Again, grammar can be learned & corrected. So go for it!

Please reread everything & correct the grammar. I will not recommend this for now, as there are a lot of errors that need to be updated. These errors affect the reader's reading experience, and we want our readers to have a smooth read, right? Please continue writing your story while learning the basics of sentence structure. Begin there, and gradually improve until writing becomes your skill. You can do it!