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Pixel : Kingdom of Carnage

Kingdom of Carnage by Bishesbehatin
Reviewer : RavingBlack

PLOT

Is there a clear goal/direction?

Yes. The goal of the plot is Nyxalia/the rebellion confronting/killing her father.

Is the plot compelling to root for?

Yes. It's compelling to me because the events of the plot are connected to the character's personal desires and fears.

Is it connected to the characters?

My definition for a plot being connected to a character is for that character's desires and fears to be tied in the events of the plot. By pursuing the plot, the character will naturally be pursuing their true desire as well. Please see the character section for a definition of "fears and desires".

The plot is connected to Nyxalia's desires and fears, so you fulfill this criteria already, but I think defining the two a little bit more would be good. Of course, I know that Nyxalia has the goal of killing her father, but that's different from her true desire which drives it. If you define that desire as "I want to measure up to everyone's expectations of me as Selene's daughter" or "I want to protect the people I love", then fulfilling those desires can be done through deposing her father's regime. Therefore, it is inherently in Nyxalia's best interest to push the plot. I'm aware that Nyxalia is already shown to want to protect her people, but I think placing just a bit more emphasis on it as her reason for doing everything/pursuing the plot would make things clearer.

On the flip side, you can create even higher emotional stakes if you define one of Nyxalia's deep-seated fears and connect it to the plot. If she were afraid of, say, being corrupted by the horrors of war, then it would pose a strong obstacle to her goal of committing patricide and launching a coup. Her struggling against this fear to achieve her goal of protecting those around her would add a new source of tension and conflict, making the plot that much more compelling.

Is the pacing rushed or dragged out?

I would advise condensing the prologue a bit just to give us exactly what we need to know about the world and the characters and no more. Prologues, as they're traditionally written, are not supposed to be essential to the plot, and they're designed so that readers may skip over them without missing anything essential. I personally would use prologues only if there's a scene that would help my hook in some way or give a very impactful taste of the mood and tone of the book. You do just that with your prologue, but I would be careful about the length because I think a prologue is more impactful the shorter and richer it is. Selene and Elex are not the main characters of the story, either, so try not to write too much about minor characters beyond what is needed for the plot/tone/context, etc.

Chapter one could stand to see some improvement in pacing. The very first story beat is typically the hook and shortly after is the inciting incident. The hook is where you set up the main character(s) desire and their fear which would go on to fuel the plot. The majority of chapter one is spent on a fight scene that doesn't say much about Nyxalia's desire or fear which would drive the plot. Moreover, this scene lacks much tension and does not give users any useful information other than some minimal details about magic.

Normally, pacing is entirely up to the author to decide how fast or slowly they want to tell their story. Publishers often favor very fast pacing to immediately hood readers' attention, but if you know what you're doing, then you could very well have your inciting incident in chapter five. To do that requires you to compensate for delaying the story by giving your readers other reasons to be interested in continuing to read such as establishing characters, relationships, or worldbuilding. I have read up to chapter four, and I still have not seen the inciting incident appear.