Rooftops - Julien Baker

Open Mic

The day of the open mic came, after two days of rehearsals. Julien and I were going to sing an original of hers that she'd written a while back called 'Sprained Ankle'. We sounded amazing together, our voices blended well.

And no, we didn't talk about the relationship thing, or the deadline to make new friends. We didn't kiss again, as much as I wanted to. It was odd, like we pretended it never happened. Like it was all from scratch.

We were at my house for a change, Julien watched me do my eyeliner. 

"You've never tried makeup?" I looked up at Julien's naturally beautiful face. She shook her head. "Other than Halloween." She shrugged. "That is so not fair." I sighed deeply, putting the brush back into the pot and searching for the black bottle of mascara. "What do you mean, Ali?" Julien sunk into my made bed, laid on top. "You're so pretty....and you're so cool and you don't even have to try. " I repeat my point. 

"Are you kidding me, you are gorgeous?! I mean- you're pretty too, Ali, so pretty." Julien sits up quickly as if it's urgent I know this information. "That's kinda' gay." I joke. Her eyes roll far back. "What do we think of the outfit?" I say, standing up after having finished my mascara. Her face softens, and her bushy eyebrows tilt up to the sky. It's like she's seen an angel. "You look...incredible." Julien softly says, almost a whisper. I can't stop myself from turning pink, though I hope the concealer does its job and hides it. I'm wearing a long skirt and a small crocheted top, both black. My hair kept its waves despite my attempts to straighten. 

"Girls! Let's go!" my dad bellowed up the stairs. "Coming!" I yelled back. Julien grabbed her guitar case, I stared at her hands for a split second too long. I wished I was the case. I slapped my skull lightly. No more thoughts like these, you're on a mission. If you want to even see her again, you have to make two new friends. We both sat in the back while the radio played news that didn't matter to us. I was nervous, I chewed my cheeks hard. I watched the trees and house fade into the night time as we drove to the community center. When I looked to see see if Julien was nervous, she was already looking at me, smiling dumbly. 

It was contagious. 

There seemed to be a lot of people from out of town, which raised the question - why did they want to come here? A girl with a blonde pixie cut looked alone, while other people were in groups, I hated mingling, but I knew in the back of my head, it was comfort or Julien. "Let's go talk to her, hm?" I gestured to the girl. "Hey, I love your hairstyle!" I smile politely at the girl, Julien says nothing but sticks to my side. "Oh, uh...thank you." The girl feels her hair as if she's not seen it yet. "Are you playing anything tonight?" I ask, trying to push the conversation onwards. "Yeah, I'm going to sing an original." She nods. I look to Julien, who is quieter than usual. I think she takes it as a sign to say something, but I didn't mean for that to be a stop-being-awkward-look. 

"Us too, I wrote it a couple weeks ago." Julien speaks up. "Oh, I'm Aliza by the way, this is Julien." I remember to introduce myself. "I'm Phoebe." She smiles brightly, rounding out her cheeks. "My family are on a summer road trip, and saw the poster so we stopped, I think we'll be here for a couple days. " Phoebe explains. Before I can reply, an older man comes up to the mic and it squeaks. "Good luck." I mouth as Julien and I filter back to our seats. The guy is talking about the importance of young people and futures and so on. I zone out, as I notice a dark haired, tall girl with a guitar in the wings. I suppose she's first. 

"First up we have a girl all the way from Mechanicsville, Virginia. Here's Lucy!" He announced and everyone clapped. She shuffled on stage nervously, and a sound tech in black helped her plug to the nearest amp. "Hey, I- my name's Lucy and I am here because my Grandma lives here, so I thought I'd come to this...I'm playing an original...," a singular 'woo' emerged from the audience, "...it doesn't have a name yet, but- enjoy!" Lucy beamed. She began playing the opening chords and started singing. The lyrics were so simple yet had so much meaning, I loved it. Julien was bopping her head along the whole time. We both cheered loudly when it finished. 

Then, some brown-haired guy played a not-so-great cover of some Greenday song. I leaned in to Julien's neck. "I'm gonna talk to Lucy, I'll be right back." I shuffled over to the tall girl with a guitar case on her back. "Oh my god, I loved your song! You were incredible!" I compliment her. "Oh, really? Thank you, that's so sweet. Are you playing?" Lucy asks politely back. "My friend Julien wrote the song, I'm just singing with her, but yeah." I point to the back of Julien's lonely head. "I didn't know there were any other people under the age of 30 living here, where have you been hiding?" I joke. "I'm in the middle of nowhere really, next to the old factory." She explains.

I remember the night Julien and I snuck in and got frightened. The start of everything. I remember Julien. 

"I should probably get back to my friend, I'm Aliza, by the way." I grin. "Nice to meet you." Lucy returns the grin. I make my way back to Julien, who seemed almost killed by the off-key-ness of it all. I'm glad we got seats at the edge of the row now. "I mean, we can't be worse than that." Julien shrugs, and says it a bit too loudly. I hit her shoulder, but a giggle escapes from my otherwise empty lips. He finally finishes up. "Next up, we've got a Julien and Aliza?" the older guy scans the room, skimming over us. I raise my hand and we step to the side of the stage and up the stairs. I'm so nervous, d3espite all the rehearsals I feel like I'm going to fuck up the performance and embarrass Julien. That's the last thing I want. 

She squeezes my hand tightly, as if to non-verbally say it'll be alright. The lights shine in my eyes, I can't see Lucy or Phoebe or anybody else. It's just Julien, her guitar, a microphone, and me. "Hey, I'm Aliza, this is Julien and we're going to play an original this talented lady wrote!" I shake my hands in the direction of her, making her turn a cute pink. I nod to let her know when to start and I close my eyes. 

"Wish I could write songs about anything other than death." I sing the first line, then open my eyelids.  I felt quiet, but I couldn't see the audience so I thought, 'fuck it' and started to sing louder. "But I can't go to bed without drawing the red, shaving off breaths. Each one so heavy, each one so cumbersome. Each one a lead weight hanging between my lungs."

I could feel eyes, and I could feel ears listening. But in a good way, in an interested way. I got to the end, eventually and let Julien riff the outro. A wave of relief came over me and I hugged her without thinking twice. After the performance, we headed to the back of the hall, where some people were standing to catch a break. Both Lucy and Phoebe came up to us afterwards and praised us, it felt amazing. "You're so humble." I nudge Julien. "I'm just saying I could improve the technique-" I shushed her before more self-criticizing came out of those lips. Those. Lips.

I missed them. 

"Let's exchange numbers, guys. There's nobody young but Julien and I around here!" I suggest, and I feel her arm loosen around my shoulders. After creating a group chat around an inside joke, Phoebe realizes she's next. She sings an original which is so beautiful, but so darn sad. The entire group has such good writing talents, I was jealous. I was just an artist, not a musician, not a writer. 

We all went out for some fresh air, because it was mostly women in their 20s treating it like karaoke after we had gone. We laughed more than I've laughed in a while. 

MISSION SUCCESS!