Rooftops - Julien Baker

Odd

Julien: Shady's back, tell a friend

OH MY GOD I'M COMING OVER!!

I laced up my converse messily and grabbed my keys, phone and sketchbook. "Julien's back!" I called out, not sure if my father could hear me in his half-asleep state. I raced down the street-lamp illuminated streets. Past the big oak tree, one right turn and into the driveway. Julien and her dad stood there, not even inside yet. Before Julien could even see me coming, I had her wrapped in my arms. 

"I didn't think this town could be any more boring than the last few days...Hi Mr.Baker. " I rambled, forgetting Julien's father was right there. "Hey Ali, call me John, c'mon." He smirked, seeing the huge grin on Julien's face. "I drew you something," I flicked through the sketchbook as Mr. Baker unloaded the trunk of the car. "You drew me something?" her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "It's kind of...well, shit...but..." I handed her a loose piece of paper with a drawing of us from a photo we'd taken together. She stayed silent, scanning the portrait up and down. 

Oh god, she hates it. 

I knew I should've restarted the hair, it doesn't look right. 

"Ali, you drew this?! It's fucking amazing!" Julien exclaimed loudly. "Language!" her father's distant voice yelled. She covered her mouth and giggled. "You really like it?" I felt relieved. "Uhh...duh!" her big brown eyes rolled. Her face stopped, focusing on me now.

Her hand came closer to my face. 

Oh, fuck.

Closer, closer. 

My face steamed up.

 I closed my eyes.

"Did you cut your hair?" She grabbed a piece. My eyes shot open, surprised. "Uh...yeah, maybe. I mean- yes. A bit, well, a lot." my heart beat like it wanted to escape through my throat. "Looks cool." She nods, smiling at my stuttering and walking to her front door. I follow her like a puppy. "You should stay over tonight, my uncle gave me some DVDs I haven't watched yet." Julien suggest. "Yes! I'll go get my stuff and come back. See you in 20." I try to play it whip-lashingly cooler. It feels like I can't breathe.

Man, I really thought she'd kiss me. 

I walk back home, trying to separate rational and irrational thoughts. Why couldn't I just like her as a friend? I'm convinced it's that stupid dream that started this all, it probably meant nothing. I mean, if I had to kiss her, life or death, sure I would. But, it hits me.

When the summer is over, I'm going back to my Mom's. I'm not going to see Julien until next summer. I cannot ruin this summer by acting on meaningless feelings. They'll probably go away soon...

Right?

I pack my bag. A toothbrush, PJs, a hairbrush, some fresh underwear and a fresh outfit for tomorrow. I knock on my dad's bedroom door. 

"I'm staying at Julien's tonight, text me if you need me." I give the information timidly. 

We haven't talked properly since the whole church thing. At first, I was glad, because conversations were always weird with him. But right now it feels like we don't have the connection every other daughter and Dad has. Like Julien, when she came out, her Dad read her Bible quotes that explained that God accepts everyone. My dad, he's just sigh and not give approval or disapproval. And that's the worst thing; never knowing if he likes me or just loves me. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Hiii I'm alive, sorry for this short chapter, there will be more soon :)