❦︎ 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐊𝐢𝐝𝐬 𝐎𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 ❦︎

𝐒𝐨 𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 - 𝐉𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠

stop telling me that it's okay
like it's gonna get better

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬:
~ 𝐬𝐚𝐝
~ :,)

❦︎

The rain was knocking against
his window  ever so gently, coating
the glass with hundreds of raindrops
that seemed to chase each other.

Only a single streetlight tried its
hardest to shed some light in the
empty alley but Jisung
couldn't care less.

Buried under his blanket with
his stuffed bunny pressed close to
his chest, he could only focus on
those thoughts numbing his
aching heart and mind.

Little stars were twinkling above
his bed, illuminating friendship
pictures of times the ravenette
barely remembered anymore.

It's been a while since he had heard
anything from his so-called friends.

No call, not even a little text.

It was as if he wasn't actually
needed by anyone.

He had thought he had gotten over it.

He had thought that he had
gotten used to this by now.

Leaving old friends,
hoping for new ones at university.

But nowadays Jisung could only
chuckle about his own naivety.

He's been living this life for quite
a while now, did he really think
things would ever change?

A soft sigh escaped the boy as he
rolled over in his bed, his tired
eyes falling on the chaos that had
taken over practically every
part of his dorm room.

Empty mugs, instant noodle bowls,
school books, bottles, dirty clothes
and crinkled sweets paper scattered
here and there to complete the
artwork of mental destruction.

He used to be a clean person,
someone who'd lose their mind
over unorganized places like his.

But maybe, maybe he had
already lost his mind by now.

Because even leaving his bed seemed
like an impossible task lately.

This was his safe space, his place
where he could hide from the scary
reality outside and escape his
own demons just for a little bit.

Sleep has never been a better activity.

Because only when his mind finally
went into shutdown for a while,
Jisung could actually forget
how miserable he felt.

A tear slipped down the boy's face
as he nuzzled his face against the
soft fur of his bunny's tummy, his
body curling into a small ball.

Because he knew, he wouldn't get
more than his bunny's cuddles.

He was tired of trying, he was tired
of chasing his dreams and believing
in himself when there wasn't any
proof that he hadn't just been
lying to himself all the time.

Day by day they seemed to get
further away from him, those
things he wished for so deeply.

For someone, anyone, to care.

For someone to understand
how it was, how it felt like.

For someone to pull him on their lap,
kiss his forehead and tell him that
he didn't have to worry because he
didn't have to carry this weight
on his own anymore.

For someone to hold him so tight
that Jisung could believe just
for a little moment.

For something to happen that
convinced the boy that there was
a future waiting for him that
was worth enduring this pain.

And it felt so hard to hold onto
something he had stopped
believing in a long time.

That everything would be fine.

That time would fix his wounds.

Time had turned his wounds into
scars, so obvious to anyone who
cared but well hidden for anyone
not even trying to see what was
hidden beside this cracking facade.

Jisung smiled at his bunny as
he bit his lip, more tears slipping
silently down his chubby cheeks
and leaving dark patches on his
pillow but he couldn't care less.

Because he couldn't care
at all anymore.

He wasn't fine after all. 

❦︎