The Missing Princess

25: Forgiveness

Perhaps this time he'll finally listen to me, and I'll finally be able to convince him to leave Italy and come to live with me here in the UK.

As soon as I finished my residency last year and started my fellowship, I've been asking and convincing Niccolo to come and live with me. Maybe I should've brought him along with me when I left that mansion four years ago, but I know Lorenzo wouldn't have agreed. I could care less what Lorenzo thinks about now, or the fact that he's Niccolo's legal guardian. I'll take his guardianship if I have to, and I'll do whatever it takes to get my fratellino out of there.

My mamma and baby sister are already gone all because of them and that fucking mafia. I refuse to let my baby brother get sucked in with the mafia and suffer the same fate as them, or worse, become a cold-blooded mafia man like our father and brothers.

"That sounds really cool, Gio... But..." 

"But what?"

"I understand your reason for leaving our home and family, Fratello, but I can't just leave the way you did and start another life in a new country." His voice sounded upset.

I know it's wrong to have him choose between me and them, but I hope the boy will realise I'm only doing this for his own good.

"I left because that house is no longer a home and what our said family is doing is not right, you know that. I don't want to associate myself with Lorenzo or Alessandro and the mafia anymore. It's dangerous, they're dangerous, and I don't want you to be in any danger with them there, Niccolo. Quindi, per favore, ascoltami." (So, please, listen to me), I explained to him.

It's not our fault for being born and raised in a mafia family, but it will be our fault if we continue to live the mafia lifestyle as we grow up, even though we know it's wrong.

"I'm already a made man, Gio. I killed a man yesterday."

I was too fucking late.

*END OF FLASBACK*

Without another word, I wrapped my arms around my baby brother's curled-up body, careful not to hurt his injured arm. I just hugged him and let my tears escape.

"I always acted so high, mighty, and saintly, refusing to let myself be associated with my own family, my own brothers, because of the damned mafia, but the truth is I'm the opposite of that; I'm more of a scum for condemning and turning my back on my own family, especially on you. I'm so sorry, Niccolo. And I'm sorry if sorry is all I could say, but I do promise to be the big brother you deserve now. I'm sorry." I cried as I tightened my hold on him.

My eyes widened in surprise when, all of a sudden, he dropped his curled-up position and wrapped his uninjured arm around my body as well.

"It was a very unhappy childhood."

"Maybe I should have just listened and gone to live in London with you." He dryly chuckles.

"Maybe."

"Ti amo così tanto, fratellino. Mi dispiace." (I love you so much, little brother. I'm sorry.) I whispered to him.

"That's all I ever wanted to hear from any of you. I'm sorry for not listening and for all of the trouble I caused. Anch'io ti amo, fratello." (I love you too, brother.) He replied to me.

"Does this mean you're forgiving me?"

I know I don't deserve his forgiveness, but if there's any chance, I'll take it, and I will do everything I can to make it up to him.

"Si. If Izzy can easily forgive an idiot, asshole of a brother like me, I can forgive you too, Gio. I just hope she'll still be able to forgive me for what I did and didn't do."

We both frowned.

I really hope Kirill is able to talk to her and make her understand the truth of what happened.

***

"How is Nicco?" was the first question Lorenzo asked as soon as I let myself into his bedroom.

He was sitting on the edge of his king-sized bed with a glass of bourbon in his hand, his head facing down, looking blankly at the drink in his hand, and his hair and white button-up shirt disheveled. He just looked so broken at this very moment.

I was honestly surprised to really see him here in his bedroom. I would've thought he actually ignored what I said earlier and still followed Kirill and Isabella.

"He's finally resting after some persuasion and a promise that I'm going to wake him up as soon as Kirill and Isabella return," I replied, plopping my ass on his black leather couch. He only nodded his head, making me sigh.

"How are you, Fratello? How are you feeling?" I asked him.

"A failure." I frowned, and my eyebrows furrowed when Lorenzo suddenly stood up and started to laugh without any emotion, almost like a maniacal laugh.

"Like a complete fucking failure! I devoted my entire life to our family, our business, and our mafia, and in the end, I still fucking failed!" He angrily yelled and threw down his glass of Bourbon, the glass shattering into a million pieces and the golden liquid going everywhere and staining his black carpet.

"You must hate me even more now, huh, Fratello? It's okay, I deserve the hate. I deserve everything for failing each and every one of you, especially Niccolo and Isabella." My eldest brother exclaims, looking at me with his bloodshot eyes.

"No. In realtà adesso ti capisco, Lorenzo." (No. I actually understand you now, Lorenzo.) I replied and stood up as well.

"No. You and Nicco were right, Gio. You don't fucking deserve to have a failure of a brother like me. I'm sorry." He cried, and I shook my head.

I really wish I could take back everything I ever said to him when I was eighteen, after my college graduation, just minutes before I left and went to the UK. I've never regretted anything in my life more than what I said to my eldest brother and did to my youngest brother. I am the worst.

"You're not a failure, Lorenzo! You're far from it, actually!" I started to say as I walked towards him until we were face to face, him standing several inches taller than me.

"You may not have been the best brother, but you are definitely a good brother and parent to all of us. We don't deserve all the sacrifices you've made for us and continue to do for us since you were sixteen. You were just a kid yourself when all of this shit started, a kid who was forced to take care of four other kids. You could've just as easily abandoned us and focused on yourself, but instead you took on the role as our guardian and took care of us without another though. You have always been so selfless when it came to our wellbeing and I really am sorry for just realizing this now, fratello. I'm sorry for everything I said to you in the past." I told him, taking a breathe after, not because I was out of breathe, but because I finally felt better inside to let all my unsaid emotions out.

"I appreciate every word, Gio. Truly. But Nicco... What I said and did to Nicco." Lorenzo heavily sighs.

"That's for the two of you to talk about tomorrow. I believe you can finally understand one another if you would just talk and express all of your unsaid thoughts and feelings, especially Niccolo; you just need to listen to him." I sadly smiled, and he nodded.

"But I really do understand you now, Lorenzo. It hasn't been easy for you at all, taking care of us, finding Isabella and our good for nothing padre, the business, and the mafia. Anyone would've been overwhelmed; I would've already exploded if I were you. I'm sorry."

Lorenzo tiredly smiled and pulled me in for a hug. It's really been so long since the last time I hugged my eldest brother and my youngest brother, and it really felt nice. I didn't know that I had missed it.

"Taking care of the four of you has been my most important job, and I would gladly do it again if given another chance. I'd just do it a little differently. You guys are my whole world. I love all of you so fucking much."

***