LUCARIAH

The One Where We Try To Understand

(Evan pov)

    He froze.

   He froze when I held him. As if I were a stranger touching him for no reason.

   I noticed him doing that at the hospital, I noticed him doing that when we took him to Samantha's house.

   I blamed it on him being in pain. I told myself he was hurting and I was adding to his pain. But he froze.

I walked into the restaurant; Lith by my side, pretending not to notice the way Luca trailed behind us. Like he didn't know his place beside us.

   I brought him here as a tribute to when we left home for the first time. Back when my boys were still young and relied on me.

  I remember that day as if it were yesterday. The three of them and me, leaving the only home they'd ever known. I wonder how many times Samantha and Luca moved after the divorce.

   How long did they stay in the home we made?

I try not to dwell on the fact that I broke a promise I swore to never break- I abandoned my son. Luca didn't grow with a father for those fragile years of his life.

I left him in grievance and forgot he existed.

The front door chimed as I pushed it open, smiling at Luca as he limped in after Lith. My smile melting at the way he flinched at all the noise.

   Must be his concussion.

"Are you alright, Luca? Do you need a pain killer?" I rushed out, reaching for Lith's bag.

  He leaned against his crutch, looking up at me with his brooding gaze. His plaster encased arm coming up to rub his forehead.

  He didn't say a word, but I could see the pain in his darker than night eyes. I reached over and ran a hand through his messy hair, moving my fingers in small circles as I did.

   He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes for a moment, before ducking away from me. Taking three steps to stand beside my wife.

    I tried to not let it bother me, I tried so hard not to notice the way he glared at me in that hospital room. He thinks I don't see the way he states at me; like I tarnished all his hope. Suffocated it with my bare hands and laughed as I did.

   I swallowed hard, watching my little boy trail after Lith.

   "Excuse me, sir, do you need a table." My head snapped to the waiter standing at the door, with his pierced lips and brow, his blue hair. In a way he reminded me of Luca, I just couldn't place why.

   "No," I mumbled, shuffling past him, "I'm with them."

  Lith led us to a small booth at the farthest corner from the door, lingering over Luca as he lowered himself into his seat before falling into the opposite side of the table.

   I joined her, grabbing hold of the menu placed before me. There was an array of options to choose from, but we always ordered the same so none of this mattered. Not to me, not to Lith, but Luca...

    Luca didn't pick up his menu. He sat with his hands in his lap, facing the window with a sort of longing. For what? I wish I could reach into his mind a pluck out his deepest desires, just so I could make them come true.

   "Luca." I called to him three more times before he startled. His eyes snapped to mine, cheeks flooding with pink. 

    "Luca," Lith sung, "what do you want to eat, hun?"

   His eyebrows furrowed as though the question itself was absurd. As if he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that she would ever ask him that.

  "The doctors said you need to eat more," she pushed gently. When that didn't cater a response she tried a different approach, "can you do me a favor?"