LUCARIAH

The One Where I Say Goodbye

My mother wasn't home when my father arrived, two days after I'd made my decision. Neither was Franco. Juliet was phoning the landline relentlessly.

I picked up once. It's going to take ages for me to erase the hurt in her voice, the way she sucked in a breath after I'd confirmed what she heard.

"You're leaving me!" She accused, "you promised you'd never leave me! My mom was right, boys are good for nothing slime-balls that only think about themselves!"

  That wasn't the worst I'd heard, but coming from Juliet...it broke my heart.

  My sister. My sweet, sassy, and darling sister. Why did her words leave a gaping hole in my chest? Why did it make me feel like I wasn't worthy of- of life?

  I didn't want to get into what Atticus said. How he reacted. I just know that if I hadn't been hit by a car, if I hadn't been crippled further than before. Atticus would've beat me black and blue. I swear I'd never seen him so angry. So hurt.

   Evan was thrilled to take me home. I was indifferent- what did it matter anyway?

   "You're going to love it there, Luca! We have a big house and a pool. You can swim, right?"

  I raised a brow, my mouth turned down in a frown.
No father, I can't swim. I can hardly walk as it is.

  I said nothing though. Clicking my seatbelt into place; my hands shakier then ever.

   "Jericho and his wife, Sophia, made cookies," Lith turned in the passenger's seat, smiling so wide I was sure her cheeks hurt.

As opposed to his wife, Sara? Why did she have to elaborate? I mentally rolled my eyes, this is so stupid. Why did I agree to this again?

My mind flashed to images of blood and pain and I suddenly remembered. That's why. I'm getting away from it all.

  Run all you want, a grave voice whispered across my consciousness, I'm always with you.

   I clenched my fists, grounding my teeth.

"Are you alright back there?" My father asked, forcing me to snap my attention to the window. A shock rolling through me when I noticed we were zipping down the highway.

   When did we start moving?

  "Are you hungry, hun?" Lith looked back at me, frowning when I shook my head. "Well... I'm starving. Do you mind if we stop for some food."

  I shrugged. Anything to stop us from reaching the new place where I'd reside. My stomach was in knots just thinking about it.

Would I have my own room? How big was this place anyway? Mother called it a manor, but what did she know, she's never been there before.

   We veered off the highway on the nearest exit, coming to a stop at a place I'd never heard of before.

  I squinted and read the sign over and over.

    'Potbellied Fish Grub'

My nose scrunched, of all the places... why here.

  Lith opened my door, laughing at my expression, "it sounds worse than it is. Christophen told me they found this place the night they moved away from home. I just think we should make a new tradition, huh?"

  The night they left home, I thoughts sighed wistfully, without me.

   I'll never stop being bitter over that night. I'll never forgive my father and his children for that night. And I'll never forgive my mother for how she behaved the nights that followed.

  Mother didn't hit me often; she, in fact, stopped hitting me so frequently after she met Cairo. But, the time in between still makes me shudder.

  I can remember every slap, every punch. Like a stab to the heart and a twist of a knife. My loving mother was a wolf in sheep's clothing. It didn't take me long to figure that she had no care for me.

   I sometimes wonder if she wishes I was never found. That my kidnappers would have just killed me so she wouldn't have to put up with me again. I wonder if my leaving makes her fall back to a time we're she could have sworn I was gone for good; but this time, and she feels it in her chest, I won't be coming back.

  I won't be bloody and broken on the side of the road, reaching out to her with my heart on my sleeve. I won't be sobbing in her cold embrace as she tells me she's got me and I'll never get away again.

   This time, I'm not longing for her to save me. I'm searching for my own way out. And this time, the last thing on my mind will be family.

  I'll be my own hero.

  "Come on out, Luca," Lith reached for my hand, but I pushed her away. Opting to climb out of the vehicle on my own. I can do it. I know I can.

  It doesn't matter that my father's car has a bit of height to it; if I land right, this won't hurt.

   The two adults watched me awkwardly shuffle around until I had half of my body dangling out the car, my elbows- on the seat- kept me from dropping down all the way.

    "Luca, can I just-" I shook my head- hard. I didn't want anyone to touch me. Not right now. Not ever.

  How could I save myself if I couldn't even get out of the car? My eyes blurred from my frustration. Hot tears nearly blinding me in a fit of broken rage.

  "Luca," Evan sighed sadly, "bud, you just got out of the hospital two days ago. It's okay if you can't do it right now. You're still healing."

   My entire being, heart and soul, tensed as his hands closed around my waist and he lowered me to the ground. Running a hand through my hair with the widest grin this world has ever seen.

  If he noticed how I responded to his touch, he pretended that everything was all fine and dandy. Whistling as he walked hand and hand with his wife towards the restaurant.