Beholder

Chapter 14

Chapter 14.
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NOKWANDA.
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How does one begin to explain to her current boyfriend how her ex got in her room and got naked. Why did I even feel like Jason was thinking that this was somehow planned. I would have never brought him here if I knew Vusi was out here waiting for me totally naked. I may be obsessed a little bit with Vusi but not entirely to disregard Jason's feelings. I am at a place where I know Jason's feelings matter and I don't ever want to hurt him.

"Are you going to explain why your ex in here naked Kwah or should I just the message and just leave?" Jason's voice was calm but than again when has this ever not been calm. He really needs to teach me how to stay calm in such situations like he does all the time.

"Jason I swear to God I di-" I was cut off before I could even finish my so called explanation.

"I did text you I was coming over so why would you bring him over Nokwanda?" Vusi seemed upset and I just can't figure out why is he so mad when he was the one who was getting married to another woman but I couldn't really dwell so much on that thought because of the look Jason just threw my way. He looked defeated but mostly disappointed in me. "Oh I get it. I'll leave." He chuckled in tho bittersweet way and gave me this last look before he left the bedroom. Why didn't I just tell him it wasn't how Vusi was putting it. I didn't tell him to fuckin come in my apartment naked. I wasn't even doing anything with this guy anymore.

"So what in order to get back at me you decided to lay with a colonizer?" Vusi looked at me in this disgusted face but I scrunched my face in disgust. "Fuck you and get out of my place and fuckin leave my keys while you're at it!" I huffed looking at him up and down. I just don't get it. Why should he still have me when he left me for Sibahle. He chose her over me and has done nothing but repeatedly threw her in my face for the past few months not caring how I felt about this whole thing and now that there is another guy who is interested in me. He's back here trying his best to ruin everything for me.

"What makes you think he actually does like you Kwanda?" He asked and I couldn't understand what that meant. Was I that bad? Was I not Likeable or Loveable?

"He's probably just having some jungle sex,pretty soon he would be back to his type,his race and you will be back attending more therapists." He smirked after he uttered those words but I felt every word that left his mouth pierce not only my mind, heart but every little thing about me. Maybe Vusi is right I am lost cause. I mean look at how meeting Jason's friends went. We ended up fighting them because of how they told us we did not belong to them. So what proof is there that Vusi is not right.

"Get out." Those words came out as a whisper as my tears filled my eyes. I knew I couldn't keep making him see me as this weak girl that has clung to him even when he tried to tear me off him. I needed to once pretend I was a girl that could get over her feelings for this guy and try to take all of the bad things he has done and said to me and form them into this big ball of hate. I walked back to my lounge room and began dressing up whilst pushing these tears to the back. I couldn't do this to myself anymore. I needed to stop doing this to myself. I needed to cut my losses and leave this whole situation.

Note to self : How long you have been saying that? How long has this gone on Kwanda. You have let this man think it is okay to walk all over you. You let him convince you you're worthless. How long?

My conscious was right but it wasn't easy  let him go. I loved him and I wanted him to love me back so much to a point that I have watched myself become a shadow of my own self.

I decided to take my phone and just made a call to Thami who answered on the third ring. "K really, I am in the middle of something." She groaned in annoyance but the tears just came when her voice rang in my ear. "Can you please come over." I began crying. I guess I have been holding on to it from that Tim Vusi completely disrespected me and everything that me and Jason were doing.