I Wish I Was Born A Girl So I Could Love You - byler

Chapter two

"Do you think it's weird we don't talk about girls?" Mike asked out of the blue. Will and Mike were lying on the ground in the forest. Beams of light were passing through leaves covering the sky above them. It was so peaceful there, but Mike had been feeling on edge around Will for a week. Everything about the other boy set his skin on fire. He craved for the one he could not have. It became near impossible to be around Will without the burning desire to hold him and call him 'mine'.

"What do you mean? There's Max and El," Will replied, not understanding the question.

"I mean, Dustin and Lucas both have girlfriends and are always talking about them. You and I never talk about those things, I've never heard you talk about a girl you like and I don't think I have ever had a crush before," Mike felt like he was lying, he didn't think he would ever be able to lie to his best friend. What he wanted to say was 'I've never had a crush until I realised I liked you, it has always been you.' A deep feeling of sin settled in his stomach when he realised he'd never considered having a girlfriend.

"It might be a bit weird, but I don't think we are normal teenagers anyway. Crazy together, right?" Will said, still staring up at the trees with a soft smile on his face.

"Maybe I should ask El out." The smile on both their faces faded, but they weren't watching each other. He knew that if he looked at Will for longer than subtle glances he would confess everything, based on the need to tell your best friend all the details of your life.

"I thought you said there wasn't a girl you like?" Will questioned. "But anyway, she talks about you sometimes, so maybe you should," he said, trying to be supportive.

"Yeah, but if I was going to like a girl it would probably be her."
They laid in silence for a while, neither of them knew what to say. The forest was bright and full of life this time of the year, they both stayed still watching the birds go from tree to tree and admiring how the wind pushed the leaves. Mike didn't want to date El, but he felt like he had to be a normal teenager. He had to move on because he would never be able to believe that Will could love him. Mike placed his hand down on the ground, dangerously close to Will's. He wanted nothing more than to hold his hand in that moment, a moment that felt sad yet peaceful. He hoped one day he wouldn't have to endure love like this, he might not feel anything then, but that felt like a fair trade. A love like this hurts so much when you're alone.

Mike had written a letter with the help of Nancy. His plan was to pass it to El at lunch then leave to sit outside, maybe smoke a little again with Eddie. He wouldn't have been able to write a convincingly romantic letter without the help of Nancy. She knew what girls wanted, but he didn't. He had previously thrown out multiple drafts of the letter that were tear-stained. Asking her out, and denying his love was probably one of the hardest things Mike Wheeler did, apart from choosing to live.

The plan was going well, considering. He had delivered the letter to El who was sitting next to Max, he heard hushed giggling voices as he left. He regretted doing it, but it was done, he had made his choice. All he could hope for was for her to say yes and help keep his secret. He imagined what it was like to date or be in love with a girl as he walked outside to meet with Eddie. He couldn't understand how nearly every other boy enjoyed this idea, but him.
There was one thing he was confused about that day, Will. He had been quiet and sad all day, but Mike couldn't figure out why. He thought Will would be happy for him. There was an odd sadness to Will and Mike felt a burning desire to make him feel better. He always wanted to be the one that made Will feel good.

"Hey Eddie, I was wondering if I could buy some pot from you. I've got cash," Mike needed to calm down, it was going to be hard having a girlfriend and he didn't know how else to handle it. Plus he thought he could give some of it to Max since they were going to the lake later.