I Wish I Was Born A Girl So I Could Love You - byler

Chapter One

Lunchtime in the cafeteria was like a jungle, kids were yelling, couples breaking up, food was being tossed, and it was chaos that Mike often couldn't handle. He was glad when he came to high school and met Eddie because he soon learnt the older boy felt the same. They would often find themselves together, sitting outside the cafeteria with their backs against the brick wall. This similarity between them led to a close, mentor-like, friendship.

"So, Mike, got any girls you like on your radar?" Eddie questioned. This was an odd question because they had never really talked about romance. He couldn't even think of a time that Eddie had a girlfriend.

"No, definitely not," Mike scoffed thinking that would be an obvious answer.

"Yeah, me neither," Eddie said while blowing out smoke from a recently lit blunt. "Did you want to know why? I think you deserve to know, but I'm not going to tell any of the other kids, got it?" He said with a stern look on his face.

"Oh, yeah I won't tell anyone, but you're freaking me out Eddie I have no idea what you're talking about."

Eddie took a long exhale with more smoke streaming out, chuckling as he did so. "Seriously? Wow you really are oblivious Wheeler."

There was a moment of silence before Eddie continued. Mike was getting antsy, the start of this conversation confused him, but he got even more confused as Eddie continued to talk.

"I'm a queer. Gay. Homosexual, whatever you want to say, I don't care," Eddie said casually, like he was announcing the weather.

Mike was shocked to say the least, his mouth hung wide and he stood stunned, not saying anything in response. He never knew anyone who was queer, unless you counted David Bowie. But the more he stayed silent, the easier it was to comprehend this announcement. He looked at the facts. Fact one, Eddie never had a girlfriend. Fact two, he stared an awful lot at Steve Harrington. Fact three, he had a weird obsession with Johnny Depp in A Nightmare On Elm Street

"How... How did you know?" Mike wasn't sure why he asked this question but he felt like he needed an answer.

"Really? That's the first thing you ask. I guess it should have been a pretty big hint that I never had a crush on any of the girls in my class, and I was obsessed with one of my friends. I would always make excuses to see him or to touch him, and I was always looking at him for no reason except it made me happy." Eddie sighed with relief. "Why do you ask? Do you feel a bit like this too?"

"I- What! No. No. I don't think so..." Mike took a second to let his mind settle again. " I mean sure, I've never really liked a girl, but surely I can't be... you know." Mike was starting to overthink every thought and interaction with a boy and he was getting more fidgety by the second.

"Here," Eddie said, passing Mike the joint, "you look like you need this. And don't worry you're 16 you don't need to have everything figured out."

Mike tried to take the perfectly rolled joint confidently but in reality, he had never done this before. All he knew was he needed to calm down before he exploded from thoughts of self-loathing. He pressed it against his lips and breathed in softly. When he breathed out he started violently coughing, making Eddie give him a few hard slaps on the back.

After lunch, Mike spent his last hour of school a lot more relaxed than he usually was. His mind still occasionally reminded him about his conversation with Eddie, but he found it easy to simply focus and enjoy other things. His body felt loose like he could finally move freely.
But without the anxiety running around his brain and the ability to analyse every one of his movements his eyes were wondering. He started paying more attention to the way Will's arm muscles flex when writing down notes than he was to the teacher. He was mesmerised by the boy next to him. The way Will's eyes drifted across the paper not getting distracted, how he stuck his tongue out ever so slightly when really concentrating, everything about him seemed so perfect, yet effortless to Mike.