Shatter Me

[7] Just Go

I tried my best to ignore Jason's question. But it was pretty hard when he was looking at me expectantly. After a moment, he stood up to stretch his legs. After sitting for an hour, I couldn't blame him. I was going to stand up too when he held his hand out, offering to help me up. I accepted.

"I just thought that with you being busy all the time, you might like get out and have some fun."

When he saw my hesitant look, he smiled a little bit. "Trust me, it'll be fun."

I pulled my hand away from him and took a step back. "No. I can't trust anyone."

There was no way I was going to give him my complete trust and whole heart, by going out with him. Even though, technically this wasn't a date.

I sighed. Don't do this again, Serenity. Don't be rude to him. Just explain yourself.

I took a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry. It's just that the only one I've ever trusted was myself. And...it's just hard for me." I paused and for some reason in that moment I felt completely comfortable with Jason and sort of just started talking without even thinking.  "I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't why I act like this. I don't know...oh, I just don't know anything anymore. I don't know why it's so hard for me. And I just don't know why I'm even here. Why I even have to go through this stressful thing called life. I just don't understand anything..."

I looked down as my eyes started watering up and a tear fell down my face.

Jason gently lifted my chin up. "It's okay." He said softly. "You don't have to go to the movie if you don't want to. And I understand. I don't expect you to just trust me completely all of the sudden. We can just take it slow. Okay? And if you need anyone to talk to, I'm here."

I took the words that he had just said to heart. He had just said, in a moment, the words that I had been waiting to hear for a lifetime. He said that he'd be there for me.

And he said that we'd just take it slow. He was being patient with me. Even though I'd been so rude to him. Even though I was such...such a loner. He cared anyways.

"Thank you." I whispered. Those were two words that I hadn't said in a long time.

***

When I got home that night, my thoughts were going crazy and it was making my head hurt.

I went from standing, to sitting on the couch, to looking out the window, to pacing the room back and forth. I was thinking about today. I was thinking about the unexplainable feeling that Jason gave me. I was thinking about his smile. I was thinking about him. And I was thinking about that movie. Finally, I stopped in the middle of my pacing. And I sighed.

"Just go to the stupid movie with him, Serenity!" I said aloud.

With being alone all the time, talking to myself was something I did pretty often.

"It'll make him happy. And it'll make you happy."

"But..."

"No, Serenity. No buts. Ignoring him is just making you stressed and upset. Just go."

I sighed. It was settled. I was going to tell Jason that I had decided to go to the movie with him.