Healing Over Time

Chapter Fifteen

"And I have to work through that," Alex said slowly. "I'm not saying it's a deal breaker...I'm saying though that it's still fresh to me."

Kayce took a deep breath.

"You think of her when you think of being with me?" Kayce asked roughly.

"Not all the time," Alex shook her head. "Which is a change from a few weeks ago when it was all the time."

Kayce nodded his head.

"And your custody battle over Tate," Alex stepped closer to him, trying to remain open to him. "I want to be there for you to help with that, but I don't want to be a liability or...make it uncomfortable for you."

"You don't," Kayce told her. "You've helped me through this process so far."

"Because I try to be your friend," Alex smiled at him. "And friends don't sleep together."

"They just make out in barns?" Kayce raised his eyebrow. "In hallways? In bed?"

"You know what I mean," Alex rolled her eyes.

"Alex," Kayce looked at her. "All this makes sense...I guess...but I'm standing here telling you I want more. So why doesn't that hold value to you?"

Alex's eyes glanced around them for a few seconds. Her hand dropped from Kayce's arm.

"Ask me the same question I asked you," Alex took a deep breath.

"What question?" Kayce tilted his head.

"Who's the last person I slept with?" Alex said softly.

Kayce's whole demeanor changed. His shoulders straightened out as he eyed her now, his eyes brighter than before.

"You can't tell me that you don't care," Alex shook her head. "I can tell you do from the simple fact that you've hardly spoken to me about it."

Kayce looked away from her, his eyes staring out into the dark evening now. A few minutes of silence passed between them.

"So...there's just some things I feel like we should work through if that's the direction we're going," Alex cleared her throat again. "I just don't want either of us to get hurt...even if it's not intentional."

Kayce looked back over at Alex.

"I don't think about you and him at all," Kayce told her.

"What?" Alex frowned.

"I push it from my mind," Kayce shrugged. "Like it didn't happen."

Alex felt like it was hard for her to swallow that. It was one thing to be upset about it, to not like it. But to act as though it never happened? That was something she couldn't do. Lee was a part of her, a part of her history. There were moments, bad and good...but they all deserved to be real.

"Well, it did happen," Alex crossed her arms.

"I'm not saying it didn't," Kayce sighed. "I'm saying I don't think about it."

"I got it," Alex started walking back out of the barn.

"Alex," Kayce trailed after her.

She turned on him fast.

"Do you know how much I wish you and Monica didn't happen?" Alex snapped. "It's the same thing really...but you don't have Lee constantly around, whether it's in person or in writing...or making demands, calling you names?"

Kayce kept his mouth shut.

"I do not want to make this a competition, Kayce," Alex sighed. "But the thing that stops me from completely giving myself over to you is still alive and breathing and still currently causing problems in my life."