Take My Breath | Catnipz

twenty five

She lowered her head and sobbed loudly. My heart ached at the thought of myself being the root cause, the only cause. "Can we talk?" I cried. "It doesn't have to be a long conversation...it'll only take a few minutes. Mace. Let me see you..."

"You can see me through the door can't you?" Mason held her head between the palms of her hands. "Please don't make me beg. I'm tired."

"I didn't mean for it to happen," I sniffled. "I want you to know that. I was out of my mind and..."

Mavis wiped away a single tear that coursed down her cheek. "I'll be in the kitchen. I need to drink some water. Let me know if you need anything." She ushered to Mason. "If she doesn't leave let me know and I'll sort it out for you..."

Mason nodded softly and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "Okay. You didn't mean for it to happen," She chuckled. "Yet this isn't the first time you've kissed me, MJ. Do you know how awful it feels to be caught in something I shouldn't be doing? What you shouldn't be doing," She breathed. "It's insane."

"Mace..." I moved just enough to be in between the doorframe. "If you give me your time I promise that I'll explain everything. Please. I don't like that we're fighting. I don't like that we're like this. I want to be home." I answered.

"Then I'm not stopping you," Mason chuckled. "If you want to go home so badly then by all means, make your way over. You're grown. You don't need to tell me if you want to go home or not."

"But that's not what I meant." I replied.

Mason ran her hands through her hair and stood up. "Then what do you mean? Here? Is this home? Because I can leave now if you want."

"No." I answered firmly.

"No? So you don't want me to be here?" Mason ran her tongue across her bottom lip and sighed.

"Yes."

"Simple. I'll leave. I'll get my things and go—"

I run to Mason without sparing a moment to think. "No, that's not what I meant." My arms are wrapped around her waist and my chin resting against her left shoulder. "Just stay here. With me. I don't want you to go.I didn't mean it like that."

Mason pressed her palm against the wall and sobbed in her hands. "God, I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do with you," She cried. "Maybe it's best we don't hang out."

I buried my face between the crook of her neck, tears dripping down her shoulder. "Mace..."

She stared into the mirror that was hung against the wall at the end of the hall. "I need space."

"What?"

Mason turned around and looked into my eyes for the first time since we kissed. "You know that I love you right? And that I care for you..."

I nod. "I do. Of course I do..."

Mason clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. "I wish I could show you what I mean by that."

"What do you mean by that?" I queried.

Mason ran her thumb against my cheek and smiled. "I can't tell you. It's a secret," She smiled softly. "I don't have the heart to tell you yet."

"You're scaring me..." I mumbled.

"I don't mean to scare you. But I'm scared. I'm scared that you'll disappear and...," She pressed a soft kiss on my cheek. "I can't lose my Jace."

"I'm always your Jace," I replied. "You won't lose me. I need you to know that. I'm always your Jace. That won't ever change." I reassured her.

"We can't ever be certain. It's a lot more difficult than you think my MJ." She smiled. "I've always known that we were destined to be in each other's lives but—"

"No buts." I answered.

"But time can only tell," She added. "What I've kept inside has been hard for me to accept. And I don't know what to do about it. Because I'm so scared that one day you'll fall out of my grasp."

"That's impossible."

Mason cupped my face gently and carefully examined my features. "Gosh, I love how your scar is still there," She chuckled. "You will always have a piece of me with you no matter what."

She traced my scar with her thumb. A memory flashed by in an instant. We were young and carefree, unafraid and always in the mood for trouble. I still remember it like it were yesterday.

"You cried so hard when you saw the cut," I laughed. "You were so certain I needed the hospital because of the blood on my face."

Mason shoved me lightly. "We were five. I thought that anything could kill you, even that stupid cut. But now it's a cute little scar...and it just reminds me of when things were simple."

"Is it not that simple anymore?"

She wrapped her arms around my neck. "I wish it were." She breathed. "I really wish it were," She proceeded to bury her face between the crook of my neck. "But I'm deathly afraid." She whispered. "I wouldn't be able to take it, MJ. I love you too much to lose you. I just wish that you knew..."

"Knew what?" I squeezed her tightly as she sobbed once again. "What don't I know?"

"You'll know one day." She smiled as she pulled away. "When I'm finally strong enough. But for now I just need to be on my own to figure it all out. To see if it's what I truly want, even though my answer is right here in front of me."

I looked back at her with confusion plastered across my face. "You're really gonna leave?"

"I need space. Just for now."

I swallowed long and hard. "Just for now?"

"Just for now." She repeated. "I know you'll wait."

"Of course I'll wait..."

Mason grabbed her belongings off the the last step and slung her bag over her shoulder.

"I love you, Mara Jace."