Tahimik ang hikbi na lumabas sa aking bibig. Mahigpit ang yakap ko sa kaniya at paulit ulit na hinalikan ang kaniyang noo, pisngi, ilong at labi sa huling pagkakataon.
All the kisses are so painful. It feels like someone is stabbing me repeatedly and I can't do anything about it. I can't fight for it and I will never have the audacity to fight for it.
Sobbing, I held her tightly in my arms and showered her face with my kisses again. I felt her stir and opened her little eyes na mas lalong nakapagpaiyak sa akin.
I don't want to do this but I don't have a choice. Wala akong ibang pagpipilian kung hindi ito lang. I did my best but it was never enough.
"I am sorry... Mama is very sorry..." humihikbi na saad ko.
Pinagmasdan ko ang kaniyang buong mukha. Mayroon siyang matangos na ilong, mahahabang pilik mata at kulay asul na mata. Ang kaniyang dating matambok na pisngi noong iniluwal ko siya ay naglaho na na mas lalong nakapagpaiyak sa akin.
"I love you, mahal ko. I love you so much and please always remember na sobra sobrang sorry ni Mama..." bulong ko na kaming dalawa lang ang nakakarinig. "Mahal na mahal kita..." sininok ako.
I don't know for how many hours akong nagtagal doon. The dark sky was already saying goodbye to me just like how I am saying goodbye to my daughter.
With the courage that I have gathered, pikit mata kong tinalikuran ang anak kong nakalagay sa basket at iniwan siya sa tapat nang malaking gate.
Even if I am running, pakiramdam ko ang bagal bagal ng pag alis ko papalayo sa anak ko. I can hear her little cries, her little sobs that made me cry again and again.
Naramdaman niya siguro na hindi na ako babalik. Na hindi niya na ako makikita. Na hinding hindi ko na siya mahahawakan.
With the tears in my eyes, I run and run hanggang sa tuluyan na akong makalayo sa kaniya.
I am sorry, anak. Mommy has failed you.
