Unsettled/Disillusioned

Chapter 29: the Answer

Despite what everyone thought of his practice, meditation didn't always come easy to Kanan; especially on Koboh, where the traces Cal had left all over the town, the mountains, the planet, swirled like a river and Kanan was caught in its current. He couldn't find the calm. But there was a cool breeze that gently rustled his hair. He had no idea how high he was. But the air was fresh and carried the song of wild birds in the soaring altitude.

The tiny tapping of BD-1's metal feet on the smooth, polished durasteel floors was an energetic rhythm among the thin clouds. The little droid chirped at Kanan playfully as he also sat down beside Kanan in a meditative pose. Then the slow, quiet footsteps of Cal padded close behind. The other Jedi sat down on the polished floor so BD-1 was between them.

"San said I have to talk to you so... I'm sorry I haven't been completely honest with you," Cal said softly, his words almost whisked away by the thin air. "I know you have questions. Ask me anything, I'll try and answer them the best I can."

There was so much about Cal that confused Kanan. He couldn't quite make sense of it on his own, couldn't quite find the right words for.

"Do you even want to talk?" His voice felt dry.

There was a pregnant pause as Cal shifted in his place beside Kanan. Kanan heard Cal sigh as he grappled between his feelings and his answer, "Yeah... yeah I want to talk, Kanan."

And then,

"Do you want to listen?" Cal asked.

Kanan rested his elbows on his thighs and knitted his fingers under his chin as he pondered the request; not just listen but, understand.

"Yeah, Cal, I do," Kanan said, then he started with what he thought was an easy question, "so... where are we?"

"This is an old research facility. One of many the Jedi of the High Republic built it to study the unique properties of this planet. This is an observatory, we're high above the mountains, in the clouds." Cal explained flatly, the words coming out of his mouth clipped and clinical, "the room we were in, it's part of the Grand Oculus, where the Jedi once observed the nebula, the Koboh Abyss."

"And that fight..." Kanan struggled to string the words together, "was that a vision? Was that psychometry?"

"Um, it's related to psychometry but it's different from most echoes," Cal stammered, "I mean you know how psychometry works, right?"

Kanan hummed to himself. Psychometry was a rare gift that few Jedi possessed. Master Depa had once told him that Master Vos and Padawan Kestis were the only two Jedi to have it in over a hundred years. It made Cal Kestis somewhat of a popular topic of gossip back at the Temple because, combined with his exceptional lightsaber skills his psychometry made him a 'prodigy among prodigies'.

"From what I understand, people leave emotions in places or objects, creating echoes in the Force that you can connect to," Kanan said.

"That's right..." Cal sighed, "Events, experiences, emotions, they all get woven into the tapestry of the Force. But sometimes, strong negative emotions or events of catastrophe and death... they leave wounds in the Force like tears in that tapestry," he explained quietly. "That vision... was from a tear. Sometimes I can enter a tear, connect to that event and experience it myself. If I meditate in that tear I can... I can fight within it."

Kanan released a breath he didn't know he was holding. Someone in that intense duel had died and left a tear in the Force somehow. And now Cal was reliving that experience, training his combat skills. "No wonder you're such a skilled duelist."

Cal gave the slightest little laugh. BD-1 bwooped cheerfully.

"I guess so..." Cal sighed.

The wind blew greatly on Kanan's skin. The afternoon sun was warm. He wondered how the light would play in Cal's hair, all the way up in the clouds as they were. After a long while, Kanan asked "Who was that man?"