Unsettled/Disillusioned

Chapter 22: the Aftermath

Hera placed another bacta patch on Kanan's torso, the acidic scent of antiseptic in his nose. The Ghost was safe in hyperspace and he found the cold air slightly calming. He had to, or else he'd be worrying about what had just happened too much. Hera's touch was soft as she treated the bolt burns he'd gotten from the Interdictor. Ezra was sitting nearby, the bright light of a warm sun was a soothing anchor. The stolen stormtrooper armour lay discarded under the table he was sitting on. He sensed Cal was lying on a table behind Hera, the man still wavering between unconsciousness and sleep. BD-1 was quietly whirring by Cal. He had scanned the ginger Jedi for injuries before he'd let any of them touch him. Cal had a twisted ankle and a few cracked ribs, so BD-1 had let Hera and Ezra carefully take the stormtrooper armour off Cal and apply bacta spray, but not much else.

"He's waking up," Ezra said as BD whistled softly at the Jedi. Legs sparking at the strain he'd put on his frayed wires.

"BD?" Cal murmured as he slowly came to, "BD! Your leg—! Ah..." Cal bit back a hiss as he moved, the light in him flared as he slowly realised where he was.

"Try to relax, you took some bolts to your arms and abdomen back there. Does it hurt anywhere else?" Kallus explained, his voice as soft as he could manage.

"What? I... no. The burns, yea," Cal confirmed softly, if not a bit confused, "I feel lightheaded, tired."

"You fainted, Cal," Kanan told him, omitting the reason he thought had triggered the spell; a panic attack, "do you remember what happened?"

"I— what? Really?" Cal stammered as he tried to remember. BD trilled and crawled into Cal's arms who embraced him tightly, "I remember running in the halls when I came back from the echo, we were going to the hangar bay..."

"No, we went to the escape pods," Kallus said carefully. A cold rush pulsed in the Force as Kallus explained what he thought happened. Not the cool calm of hyperspace, there was an anxious snap. Again, Kanan felt Cal shudder, "I think you had a panic attack."

"Oh," Cal sighed, "Yeah, I probably did." The admission came quiet and low.

"Is there anything we can get for you?" Hera asked, Kanan knew they could prepare a quick meal for him, and Kallus had set a glass of water for him by the table.

"Um, no. I just want to go home, I want to go to sleep," Cal said into BD-1's chassis instead of to any one of them, Kanan could tell Cal was trying to put on a brave face in front of the Ghost crew. "But I need to fix you up first, don't I buddy?"

BD-1 trilled a tune that seemed bittersweet like it was a secret code only the two of them understood, "Can I borrow some repair tools?"

"I'll let Ezra get you some, Cal," Hera accommodated then nodded to the young man in question, who left the room, granting Cal some privacy with the adults.

"Do you know what triggered the panic attack?" Kallus asked. Kanan could tell he'd want to prevent Cal from going through that again. Not just for Cal's safety, it had put Kallus and himself in danger.

"Umm..." Cal tried to think, Kanan could sense a cloud in his skull, he clung to BD who whirred quiet reassurance to the Jedi, "I think I do."

"Is there something you need when we arrive on Koboh to help?" Kanan asked.

"I need Merrin," Cal snapped, the nebula within him stirring, turbulent, before his voice returned to its calm tenor, "But Greez will be home, and BD-1 is here... I'll be fine..."

"You're not fine," Kallus retorted, "you used the Force against Kanan."

"Wait, he did what?" Hera stammered.

"I what?" Cal gasped, a stinging anxiety flashed in his core.

"It was an accident, I just got bruised," Kanan reasoned, though he could tell Hera didn't exactly like his answer.

"It's more than that, Kanan," Kallus scathed, "Did you even get the information you wanted?"

"Of course!" Cal said, his voice like a smouldering, low-burning flame, "They umm.. They're going to Mount Tantiss... or ..." Cal hissed and groaned as he rubbed his temples.

"It's okay, Cal, you need rest," he reached out to comfort his friend.

"Please don't touch me," Cal hissed, he cradled BD close to his chest, electronics sparking.

He could sense Kallus' and Hera's eyes on the ginger. Kanan hoped his pale, blind eyes weren't too sharp on him either, he didn't know what to do with his hand, so just let it drop.

"Sorry, I appreciate the first aid and bacta; dinner and drinks' on me when we get to Koboh. I'd... I think I just need to be left alone right now."

Hera nodded and sighed, "I'll let Ezra come by with food and tools later," and then she left the room. Kanan sensed Kallus get up too, hovering by the door, words on his lips but straining to come out.

"Kestis, what was that back there?" Kallus whispered. Cal didn't say anything. Kanan felt Kallus's eyes dart between him and Cal, the droid in the ginger's arms giving him quiet boops and whistles of encouragement, "nevermind, get some rest you two," the former Imperial said before he, too, left the room, leaving Kanan to wonder what had gone on between them all those years ago.