Healing Over Time

Chapter Thirteen

"Why would you call yourself a regret?" Kayce asked her. 

"I-I don't," Alex shook her head. "I guess I tend to have things leave me when a solution can't seem to come out of it." 

Kayce looked at her for a while. 

"And I've lost a lot," Alex felt her voice quiver but held strong. "I either have too high expectations or I settle and then I'm hurt in the end...that's been my whole life with the choice I've been given...so I asked you that because I guess I just don't want to lose another person because I couldn't figure it out with them." 

"Alex," Kayce whispered. 

"I lost my mother when I held too high expectations for her to get clean and actually take care of me," Alex continued. "I lost my father in thinking he'd man up and be a father when in reality, I was just a burden to him and his way of life...I lost Lee..." 

Both Alex and Kayce tensed when she mentioned Lee's name. 

"And I don't even think I deserved to have him to lose him, but I did," Alex sighed and rubbed her face. "I lost my family because my mother at least knew out of the reservation would be a better life...I'm just tired of losing things, Kayce. So I'm overly cautious and very pessimistic because it seems like when hope is on the horizon for me... something comes in and takes it away from me." 

Alex sat back, taking slow breaths so she wouldn't start to cry. 

"You're not a regret," Kayce said, making Alex look back over at him. "Not to me, or anyone else." 

"Kayce-"

"You're not a regret," Kayce said more firmly. "And I don't want you to call yourself that again to me." 

"Okay," Alex bit her lip. 

"You were one of my favorite people back in the day," Kayce told her. "You were a kind friend, who liked to laugh but was a little quiet...after I learned more about you I knew why. But you were still caring, wanting to always help others." 

Alex listened to Kayce. 

"And now..." He took a breath. "I don't know what you are, but after my son, you're the only person I want to be around. But how I'm treating you, hiding you, and not giving you want you to deserve, that's what I hate. I hate myself, Alex...I don't hate anything else about this but me." 

"I'll agree that this isn't...ideal," Alex nodded. "Most relationships don't start like this." 

"You don't deserve this," Kayce reached out, his elbow on the console, and held Alex's cheek in his palm. "You deserve better and I'm sorry." 

"When are you divorcing, Monica?" Alex asked him. 

Kayce dropped his hand and reached into the backseat. He pulled out a folder and sat in between them. 

"Part of my errands today in town," Kayce rested his hand on the file. "These are the papers for the courthouse." 

"Does she know?" Alex's eyes were wide now, this feeling more real than it had before. 

"We talked last night," Kayce nodded. 

"And she agrees?" Alex asked. 

"It's what's best for us and even for Tate," Kayce nodded. "We aren't good together...we're decent parents, but that's about all we have left of us." 

Alex's eyes were still on the folder under Kayce's hand. He was divorcing Monica, not the other way around. It felt weird to Alex, something she'd wanted for a while now but now that it was happening...she felt sad.