Chapter / 09

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A few minutes had passed by and I was bored out of my mind. I was still listening to my music as I suddenly got a notification. I checked my phone to see what it was.

|THE BEST GROUPCHAT EVER 😘|

Childe
Guys, please someone help me 😭

Childe
STOP IGNORING MY TEXTS

Hu tao
urgh, what do you want rat

Childe
I'll ignore what you just called me
Anyways, MY SEATMATE IS SO BORING
SHE'S LITERALLY AN NPC, I SWEAR
SHE LOOKS AVERAGE AND WHEN I TRY TO FLIRT WITH HER, SHE DOESN'T EVEN REACT
SHE HAS LIKE NO PERSONALITY 😭😭😭

Yoimiya
I swear, literally everyone from our class that isn't in this groupchat is a npc

Hu tao
I vouch that

Venti
ay, what's with the complicated word hu tao 🤨

Yoimiya
how is that a complicated word venti 😭

Venti
It's just that I don't hear it often and complicated words scare me 😓

Heizou
what 💀

As notifications kept pouring into my phone, I didn't feel like I wanted to deal with the groupchat. So I turned my notifs off and enjoyed some peace as I listened to my playlist.

About only thirty minutes passed since the beginning of the ride and the only thing I've done was listen to music and check the groupchat from time to time. But there was no interesting convos since it was just Childe complaining about how boring this trip was going to be for him. 

I sighed as I glanced at Scaramouche. He had his eyes closed and he was resting his head on the bus's window. He looked as if he was sleeping. So I didn't bother him. I just let him be. He looked really peaceful...and cute... WAIT WHAT AM I SAYING. Nevermind, ignore that.

I sigh and rest my head back on my seat as I listened to Nobody by Mitski. (Another amazing artist, I love Mitski's songs soooooo muchhhhhhh)

♥ ∙ ∘ ⇢ And I don't want your pity ⇠ ∘ ∙ ♥
⋆ I just want somebody near me 
⋄ Guess I'm a coward 
♥ ∙ ∘ ⇢ I just want to feel alright... ⇠ ∘ ∙ ♥

Oh how I relate to this song...you don't know just how much...yet.

I checked my phone to see if the groupchat was still alive and it surprisingly still was. But the groupchat wasn't the only notifications I got. I also got some from a different group...

|Y/n's advisers ❤️‍🩹|

Kazuha
Y/n, you feeling all right? You seem a bit glum.

Heizou
Let me guess. You're listening to a song that reminds you of...well, them?

Y/n
Yeah...but I'm fine. Don't worry guys.

Kazuha
You sure? If you want to talk about it, you can always do so. We're here for you and we always will be.

Heizou
Kazuha's right. We already know about it, so you can always talk to us about it if you need comfort or if you just want to project your feelings.

Y/n
Thank you. It means a lot. But I assure you that I'm fine. 🤗

Heizou
When are you going to open up, Y/n? It's been a while. You keep keeping your feelings to yourself and soon it will be too much for you. You need to let it out Y/n. You have to tell us how you feel. Keeping it to yourself won't do you any good, it's just going to eat you from the inside. Please be sincere to us. We just want to help you.

I felt overwhelmed by emotions that I didn't want to express, so I just shut my phone and looked away from it. I felt angry at him for having said that, but I also felt sad because deep inside, I knew he was right. I just didn't want to admit it. I felt a wave of panic cross me as I felt a little jittery.

'They just don't get it! I'm fine! I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine...' I just kept repeating those words to myself as to convince myself that I was fine and to surpress the emotions I was feeling. 

'No one needs to know how I feel... They can't do anything about it anyways. They don't know how I feel...they don't know anything.'

I felt myself be a bit shaky. I looked around to make sure no one noticed. Kazuha and Heizou sat at the front of the bus and could only see a tiny glimpse of me if they tried to look at me. So I scootched a bit to the side where they couldn't see me. Scaramouche still had his eyes closed and his head on the window.

I took deep breaths as I tried my best to calm myself while I listened to my music. I felt much better after relaxing myself a bit and I wasn't shaking anymore. I still had a sad feeling, but I couldn't really do anything about that.

'What is wrong with me. I'm overreacting! Shaking a bit just because I'm sad and because of the conversation with Kazuha and Heizou? I'm totally overreacting! Jeez, I'm such a fucking drama queen.' I think to myself as I find myself stupid for having reacted like that and because I was ever sad in such a stupid situation.

This was my thought process since I've already had someone tell me, after I vented to them, that I was being overdramatic and I was overreacting. Guess that hit harder than the person that told me it would have thought.

"Words cut deeper than knives", they say. Good quote I may add.

I decided to switch to a different type of music since I felt like I was listening to depressing music and I wanted to lighten up my mood a bit.

I then realized that I only had sad songs on my favorite playlist and my other playlists weren't really fitting for my mood. So I just listened to the less sad songs in the playlist, I guess.

...

One hour passed, two more long hours to go...

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A/N: I'm so sorry if you don't understand this chapter, I'm not the best at being able to express emotions since I can't even identify my own ones.

Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter and I can't wait to see you in the next!

Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter and I can't wait to see you in the next!

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