Nick & Charlie's life<3

bad again.

Charlie's POV:

Its Friday Septemper 13th, 2:21pm.

i'm on the bathroom floor crying so heavy i cant breathe but i also have to try to be quiet so nick can't hear me. I don't want him to know im getting bad again and be a drama queen again like last year, so i hide everytime i get a panic attack.

i look at the drawer. gosh not this again.

i have to.

no you dont.

i have to.

you'll regret it.

i have to.

i take a deep breath and reach into the drawer. i stare at the blade for a while, its so sharp. This little silver tip can ruin and heal everything. it scares me.

i cut 4 lines spread across my arm. wait fuck i have to make it even. i cut 4 lines on my other wrist, they still dont feel good enough. i cut 2 more on each, it doesnt feel right either but i cant keep doing this i have to stop. I force myself to stop because if i keep going like this it will end up like last time. I have 15 fucking cuts spread across my fucking wrists. Its not been that much for a long long time and to be honest i cant even feel the pain. I put the blade back in the drawer and wipe the blood till it stops.

then i go back to the living room just to see nick in the exact same position on the couch as when i left him. i look at him as i learn in the doorway, i love my husband. i love him so much. he saved my life more than i ever thought i needed to be saved. it sounds cringe but i honestly dont fucking care.
"Hey" he says, glancing at Me from the couch with He's beautiful eyes. "Hi" I say. He glances at my hoodie which is obviously his like always but this time it's not quite because I'm cold.
We cuddle up together on the couch and talk a bit.
It's silent for a bit.
He moves his and to brush my hands and moves to my wrist.
I flinch.
Fuck.
"Hey, you okay?" He says a little worried.
"Yeah I'm fine" I say. That sounded fucking fake, because it is. I am so not okay I am the exact opposite I'm so tired of fighting and feeling like this and it fucking sucks but I can't tell him cause I'll end up being a burden once again.
"Char" he whispers.
I know i can tell him.
"I- uhm. Im sorry" i say, pathetically.
I pull my sleeve up because I can get the words out like it's stuck in my throat.
He looks down at my wrists and lay his head on my shoulder.
" Charlie when did you start getting bad again" he asks in a calm voice, not mad or disappointed.
" a few ..uhm.... Months ago" i hessitate.

he doesnt say anything he just pulls me into a hug and we stay there for a bit and thats it, he's not mad or sad and maybe he doesnt even care? stop charlie. Nick loves you.

Nick's POV:

It hurts so bad to know he's hurting again and just looking at the 15 cuts spread out against his skin and blood. Watching the person you love struggle to love themsleves is just the worst fucking pain to live with, knowing you cant do anything about it.

im just gonna stand by his side everyday and fight as hard as i have to.

A/N:

sorry this is so short i just wanted to write a bit <3