The Submissive Assassin (BxB)

Chapter 97 - "I almost killed you."

Lucius chuckled, but from the way his eyebrows raised and his eyes widened, it was almost as if the disbelief was so severe that he assumed Raphael was already too far gone. "No, Raphael," he hissed through a low growl, slowly shaking his head. Through a short pause, Raphael watched as Lucius' teeth gritted and his jaw continuously clenched and unclench, as if he was trying to maintain his composure but it wasn't working. "It isn't always about Dante. Every time you think of anything, it's always Dante this, Dante that."

Raphael was taken aback. There was a slight embarrassment that settled in his stomach, but not enough to release his frown. "I'm sorry, I was thinking that—"

"You've told me that by every single of your actions," he spat viciously. That was when Raphael noticed that his hands had tightened into fists. The tension in the room was rising, the hostility not one Raphael favoured, especially since it was with who he continuously expressed his love to. "You made me feel that way every chance that you got."

"That's not true—"

"You see Dante for the first time in nine months after you promised me that you were over him and you couldn't tear your eyes away from him. You were so flustered that you couldn't even speak!" Lucius' tone grew terribly loud that Raphael flinched. However, he was too humiliated to say anything since Lucius had been right; he was speechless when he saw Dante. But it wasn't because he loved him, it was mostly because he hadn't seen them in so long and he realized how much he missed their entourage. But this wasn't the right moment to say this to Lucius since he wasn't finished. "Let me remind you that he didn't give a fuck enough to come find you, but I did!"

"I infiltrated Wolf's base, killed a dozen of his men to rescue you. Almost got myself killed but Wolf made an announcement to capture me alive," Lucius recounted, a story he had told Raphael multiple times already. "Thankfully, Wolf thought it would be better if I joined him instead of murdering me and that's when I learned that you were alright, that you were just kept in chains until you decided to obey."

"He let you out because I begged you to obey him so we could at least both be together even if we don't want to be on his side. I joined this fool's side, betrayed my entire family, to be with you, Raphael!" Lucius laughed incredulously when he added, "You weren't flustered when you saw me? Actually, if I remember correctly, you told me to leave and never show my face again. But I fucking decided to stay by your side!" He slammed his finger against his own chest terribly hard that Raphael heard a thud.

"When Dante was torturing Jules, I told you not to go but you did anyway because you love him so fucking much. Which is insane to me since Dante did nothing but degrade you, mock you, remind you that you were 'nothing but his nanny', how many times has he said that to you?!" Raphael had never seen Lucius this way. Veins were visible on the side of his neck, into ones forming on the edge of his forehead, as if he was squeezing his entire body as he shouted each word. Although the anger was clear in his motions, his eyes glistened, filled with tears and only evoking a sadness, the heartbreak he had wanted to prevent.

"I'm done Raphael, I'm over this. I can't do this anymore." Raphael was surprised when that line came out as a whisper and Lucius turned away from him, rapidly wiping his eyes and nose with the end of his sleeve.

When silence invaded the room, Raphael took that as his cue to finally speak. Unfortunately, he didn't know what to say. He wasn't even sure anymore since Lucius was right; he always did have a care for Dante that never really went away as much as he tried. But that didn't mean he loved him in that way anymore. He didn't want to be with Dante. The only person he could imagine sitting in a creaking rocking chair when he entered the room, both of them full of gray hairs and wrinkles, was Lucius. The person he could imagine brandishing a map to as they selected the next destination to visit with heavy bags on their backs and bucket hats shadowing their sweaty foreheads, was Lucius.