Stars Aligned | ✓

31

"Okay"

"Banda baat karni ki etni koshish kar raha hai apko conversation khatam kyu karna hai, mohtarma?"
[I am trying so hard to talk to you and you are ending the conversation, why?]

"Please get serious, Sahil. Mujhe baat karni hai kisise"  She told me in a very soft tone and her eyes left a tear which she was quick enough to wipe and I was quick enough to notice.
[I want to talk to someone]

"Bol, bol, bol. I'm serious now."  I told in a serious tone. She gulped nervously while I waited for her to speak. She didn't utter a single word for the next five minutes.
[Yes, yes, yes]

By her expressions, it was clear to understand that she wanted to speak so much but didn't know how to frame, or start. I observed that she kept fidgeting with her ring, lost in hef thoughts.

"Ananya" I said and she turned her head to look at me and nodded indicating me to speak further. "Let it out, I'm not going to judge you. Not today, not anyday. Never."

She took a deep breath and let it out before she spoke. "You are right, Smoking is wrong, I know how dangerous it is, but I can't stop. Whenever something is stuck in my brain, or I feel bad, low, overwhelmed, it gets out this way. I started this habit long ago, now it doesn't seem to stop"

"Whenever something is stuck inside your head, tell it out to someone-" I started but she replied to this sentence while looking directly into my eyes.

"I started this when I had no one to talk to. My parents weren't in contact with me, my brother was not in the country, I had no friends in the new city. So when I wanted to talk to someone, no one was there. This damn thing helped me that time." I licked my dry lips at her response which was out due to frustration. The only thing I wanted to do right now was give her a tight hug to make her feel good.

"I can't say about anyone else but you have me, everytime, anytime. I believe we have reached that level of comfort where you can rant out to me. And if you don't feel comfortable in doing that, then pen it down, or...anything. This, what you're doing is the worst method." I tried my best to keep my voice at a low decibel and explain her in the softest tone present in my system.

"It's not that easy! Do you think I've not tried? So many times, but I end up here again, maybe as a payback to the times it was with me, when no one was."

"Tell me when did you start this" I asked her and she thought for a moment.

"Four years ago." She replied.

"Give me one reason of how and why did you start it. Think properly but don't cover up, just the truth" She waited and thought for some good five minutes making some cute faces.

On to the point Sahil, Don't get distracted!

"Honestly, it's a very silly reason. And you might think of me as a stupid after hearing it-"

"Let me hear it and decide"

"My father, he was into all this stuff, smoking, vape, drinking and everything. I used to hate it so much at that time. I was smart enough to understand how bad it was, but then one day, I heard him talking with his friends while smoking, and I remember the exact words of his 'ye karna auraton ka kaam nahi hai, ye sirf mardo ko sobha deta hai. Koi aurat dukan par se kharid ke toh dikhaye, tabh manu main. Zindagi ke sath khelne mei himmat chahiye, jo auraton ke pass nahi' " She said it copying a proper Rajasthani accent. 
[Smoking isn't women's thing, it suits only on men. I'll consider when a woman buys a pack of cigarette from the shop. It takes courage to put your life on stake, which is not present in woman]