The New Golden Age

End of the Golden Age

I think it became very obvious in the most recent entries that this so called Golden Age was clearly coming to an end. I'm sure its already weird referring to it as such but I feel like a lot of other people kinda feel the same way but then again I'm a nerd so it's probably just us nerds that do. I kinda see a lot of significant eras in my life obviously as stages probably like anyone else but I also kinda just categorize it like chapters or book, seasons or spin-offs, ages and eras. I was talking about it with my old friend, yes that one. Again, since I have bad memory and I don't reread my entries, I'll just review.

Reconnected with my old friend three years after our argument and kinda picked up where we left off, minus the obsession and feelings. Honestly, not entirely sure where it's gone but I'm just glad it's gone, I'm just curious how it works. One point in time your willing to die for someone and another moment in time onward, they're just a stranger you're reconnecting with. Little bit of nostalgia and comfort, maybe a little bit of anger, but no happiness, no giddiness. Anyway, we reconnected in like March 2022 when I was still in AZ and we kinda just texted back and forth like old times. Caught each other up with some things, face timed once, and then really went back to old times in which I text and get a response like every other two weeks or so. Then again we're all fucking busy and all my friends are like that anyway so it really wasn't any different to anything else. I still don't know if that's a good thing that I'm used to, people just not talking to me. But just because I'm used to it doesn't mean it doesn't bother me, I just know to expect it. Anyway, now that I'm back home I can reconnect with more people but I weirdly realized I have no to reconnect with. All my friends or at least people I considered friends are all gone, disconnected, or dead. They aren't near by anymore which is just life but I'm also in no position to make new friends either. I just go to work and go home.

Well, I've now returned home to live with my family. After failing to complete my Ph.D. and instead Mastering out, I had to come back. No money left to sustain myself and without even being able to afford a car to at least drive to a job, there's no way I could've stayed in AZ. So it looks like I really am just as cursed as everyone else and have to return to that god forsaken place. As I mentioned before though, this time I'll basically be completely alone. All my friends are just gone or dead, I've got no more connections anymore. Pretty cool job, but apparently most people in the company got their jobs by being connected to someone in the company so I'm just one of the very few people that got in brand new so absolutely no one knows me but everyone knows each other so I'm kind of a black sheep because most people have been life long friends. Kinda makes me feel left out but I know it shouldn't bother me because it's no fault of mine plus it's just a temporary stop before I return to grad school, this time pure chemistry.

I'm gonna miss this era of time. It was hard failing but I did enjoy my time in AZ. The people I met, the friends I made, the friends I got to reconnect with from another previous era. Like a whole bunch of crossovers in this season. I guess I learned more about myself, what I can and can't do, my limits, my purpose. Something tells me I've still got plenty to learn though. As corny as it sounds I think I've really got to tackle love soon. I feel like that's the next step. Don't know why but it sort of makes sense, I am at that age that most serious people would begin to find someone and after striking out plenty of time in AZ, I guess maybe I do have to find someone back home, maybe there's someone I overlooked or something I overlooked in myself. One thing for sure, this persona has come to an end. Don't know what's next or how I will change or even if I will change significantly at all. But I realize it will happen soon. I got sucked back into the Doctor Who franchise again and rediscovered a quote that kinda makes sense.

"We all change. When you think about it, we're all different people all through our lives, and that's okay, that's good, you've got to keep moving, as long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this. Not one day. I swear. I will always remember when the Doctor was me."

The Shuriken,
The Mexican,
The Darkness,
The Sentinel,
Leobreaker
I'm sure there are probably smaller personas I've forgotten over the years, but I do remember the general main ones I had "adopted" over the years.
Either way, I think it's time for Leobreaker to rest now.