The Lies That Shadow Us

Chapter Five

POV Liam

Annoyance was his new best friend. These days it was all he ever felt but maybe that was a good thing. Being annoyed was better than being sad, grieving, or confused.

Memories of his mother flitted through his mind for a split second before he violently shoved those images away. Liam couldn't do it, he couldn't think about her. So, annoyance it was. That and anger, he thought.

Liam stood parallel to his floor-length mirror and frowned at himself. He wore ripped blue jeans, a hoodie, and Converse. His hair was still pointing in different directions from tossing and turning on it.

Liam ran his long fingers through his straight auburn hair, feeling the endless frustration build inside him forming knots. It was the first day of his senior year and he was miserable. Nothing felt okay anymore, his friends ditched him after... everything.

The twin telepathy thing people talked about was a thing, he and his sister had learned that from a young age. It was why he knew she was sad but she hadn't come to him once. She had also ditched him. He hadn't even seen her cry and Liam didn't want to but he hated her for it. 

He knew that Lily also lost their best friend but he felt like ever since this all happened their connection had been severed somehow. Twin love was something different, they were soulmates.

And it was killing him, the grief and loneliness. He couldn't take it. Liam felt like he was suffocating and there was no one there to help him get any oxygen. He couldn't breathe.

It was bad enough that he was going through stuff before but now it was unbearable. So many emotions swirled around inside of him and he was so confused but one that stood out from the rest was anger.

Hot, boiling rage. A part of him wished he had told Lily what was going on with him before but he didn't feel like he ever could now. He didn't even know if he knew how.

Everything was so messed up now. When did it get like this he thought brokenly? Liam felt ugly and disgusting and he was so tired. Tired of the pain, tired of the never-ending emotions that threatened to swallow him up whole.

Liam hadn't been able to be 'himself' around anyone who mattered to him. There was an elephant-sized lump in his gut and he thought it might have been his heart. A thousand feelings all at once.

Knowing he couldn't stall any longer or his father would come in and drag him downstairs, Liam grudgingly left the confines of his room. The brown velvet-covered stairs groaned under him as he stormed down taking them two at a time.

The smell of his father's cooking alleviated his mood only slightly. George always made the best food, his mother never did any of the cooking. She would play her music and dance around his father until he would burst into laughter. Tears pricked Liam's eyes as he thought of the tender moments his parents used to share.

Liam sat at the table and grabbed a plate. He looked up at his father with adoration in his eyes as he said, "Thanks Dad, everything smells great." George smiled appreciatively at his son and said nothing as he piled food onto Liam's plate.

Lily walked down shortly after his dad called for her. She looked vacant as usual, it was all she seemed to express lately. Liam was angry but that anger always seemed to multiply when Lily was around. He hated how emotionless she was now. It was like he lost her just as much as he had lost his mother.

Liam was lost in his thoughts until Lily pushed her empty plate aside and said, "I'll be in the car." Her chair scraped back as she hurriedly walked out of the house.

Liam noticed the pain and hurt in his father's green eyes and felt an overwhelming urge to throttle Lily for her inconsiderate behavior.

"I'm full too Dad but it was really good. You want me to help clean up?" His father feigned a small smile and said, "No it's okay Connie honey I'll be quick why don't you wait in the car with your sister." His father had always called him Connie after his middle name Connor.

Liam felt annoyed for what seemed like the millionth time this morning at the mention of Lily. He nodded at his father and grabbed his book bag as he walked outside. Lily was standing in the middle of the driveway staring at nothing. He said with that lingering annoyance and more than a hint of bitterness in his tone, "Stop being fucking weird, dipshit, and get in the car."

Lily looked hurt when he bumped her shoulder and walked passed her without a second glance. He felt guilty but his anger overruled his guilt. Liam sat in the front not waiting for Lily.

Their dad walked out not too long after and sat in the car. They started driving towards the high school and his emotions threatened to spill over. He didn't know how or what he was going to say when he saw Ben.

Last year the day before summer break Liam kissed Ben and then ran away. He hadn't replied to any of the countless texts and calls from Ben all summer but now it was unavoidable.

Too soon his dad stopped in front of the school and it was time for them to go. His father was a teacher at the school so he was just dropping them off in front while he parked in the back.

Liam shut his amber eyes and gave an inward sigh, waves of anxiety crashed through him. His throat suddenly dry he swallowed attempting to give it some moisture. Liam's composure and that mask he'd learned to master over the summer slipped right back on as he exited the car.

He knew what his classes were so headed towards his locker completely ignoring Lily. His locker and first class were thankfully on the first floor so maybe he wouldn't run into Ben this early in the morning he thought.

Liam should've known the universe wouldn't allow him that bit of happiness however as he saw Ben standing at his locker, waiting for him. Those feelings he had been trying to suppress crashed to the surface the moment he looked at Ben's face.

Those blue eyes he loved so much gazed back at him with apprehension. His blonde hair was shorter than he remembered but still held those wispy waves that complemented his rosy cheeks. Ben stood taller than Liam by a few inches bringing him to around 6 feet.

Liam slowed his steps unsure of what to say as he stood before him. Ben cautiously said, "Hey, uh I didn't know if you wanted to see me or not." Ben was always shy but with Liam that wasn't the case. They had easy conversations and spent most of their time hanging out together.

"I never said that," Liam stated with a gruff tone in his voice, masking his anxiousness with disregard. Hurt flashed in Ben's eyes as Liam's heart clenched, wanting to comfort him.

"So we're just going to forget about everything that happened last year and not talk anymore? This isn't us, you're my best friend," Ben said.

"I don't know what you want from me, Ben. It happened. It was a mistake. Let it go. Move on."

Ben looked at him with defeat before saying, "Fine. I got to go." Liam desperately wanted to reach out his hand and hug him but he said nothing as he watched him walk away.

He felt raw. Liam knew he wasn't going to like the day but it was quickly becoming too much for him to handle. He punched his locker, frightening a few of his schoolmates.

"What the fuck are you looking at," Liam sneered at them with all the malice he was feeling inside for himself. He didn't even grab the books he needed before he stalked to class, over with the day already.