The Damnation of Park Jimin | yoonmin

ten

[trigger warnings]
this chapter contains the following: talk about gaslighting (while there is nothing inherently abusive happening in this chapter, a lot of it is mostly Jimin learning about the subject and coming to certain realizations)
if any of this makes you uncomfortable, do not read/read at your own risk; your mental health is more important than my views.

—————— † ——————

—JIMIN DOES AS YOONGI ASKED; he looks up gaslighting, and he's disturbed by what he finds.

Shrouded in the darkness of his apartment, Jimin carefully balanced the second hand computer he'd purchased in an attempt to look more human in his lap, flicking through the open tabs. The white lighting emitting off the screen illuminated only his face, giving him enough light to see the words before him and nothing else.

He spent more time in the dark as of late; he found it calming.

He reached for the half empty can of ginger-ale he'd left on the table, sipping on it as he skimmed the paragraphs he'd already committed to memory. Namjoon told him he should never pollute his body with mortal food and drink, but it settled his stomach.

Yoongi hadn't said much about gaslighting, even when he lightly prodded him for more of an explanation. For once in his life, however, he wasn't angry about being denied answers. Yoongi trusted him enough to figure it out on his own — he would fill in the missing pieces for him later.

If anything, he was more thrilled; someone had faith in him, and he wasn't all that surprised that it should be a demon of all things. The sense of freedom he felt wandering into his apartment that evening to sit down and research had him feeling giddy. But the more he scrolled through the internet, reading article after article, he began to feel off.

He found several things over the course of the passing hours.

Gaslighting was a form of psychological manipulation that created self-doubt. A quote from the homepage by a woman named Paige Sweet greeted him by stating that "it's making someone seem or feel unstable, irrational and not credible, making them feel like what they're experiencing isn't real, that they're making it up, that no one else will believe them,"

Another quote said that it "wasn't enough for the gaslighter to have control or have things go their way, but that the victim came to agree with them,"

What was it that Yoongi had told him? That Taehyung knew he would be emotionally vulnerable? And Namjoon knew it too — said that he'd wanted it because he ran after him, not the other way around. Jimin had agreed with him, believing that it truly was his fault.

Jimin sipped his ginger-ale and flipped to a different tab.

There are several common signs of gaslighting; gaslighting is meant to confuse you, meaning it can be hard to identify.

The "Twilight Zone" effect: situations feel unreal — like it's happening on a different plane from the rest of their life.

Language describing your or your behaviour as crazy, irrational or overemotional

Being told you're exaggerating.

Feeling confused and powerless after leaving an interaction

Isolation

Tone Policing: a gaslighter might criticize your tone of voice if you challenge them on something. This is a tactic used to fill up the script and make you feel that you're the one to blame rather than your abuser

A cycle of warm-cold behaviour: to throw a victim off balance, a gaslighter may alternate between verbal abuse and praise, often even in the same conversation.

The national domestic violence hotline lists five techniques a gaslighter might use against a victim:

Withholding: the abusive partner pretends not to understand or refuses to listen

Countering: the abusive partner questions the victims memory of events, even when the victim remembers them accurately

Blocking/Diverting: the abusive partner changes the subject/questions the victims thoughts

Trivializing: The abusive partner makes the victim's needs or feelings seem unimportant

Forgetting/Denial: the abusive partner pretends to have forgotten what actually occurred or denies things like promises made to the victim

If you're being gaslit, you may experience: anxiety, depression, disorientation, lowered self-esteem, PTSD, a hyperbolized fear of danger, known as hyper vigilance, and suicidal thoughts.

The can in his hand crinkled lightly under the pressure. He sat there stunned, feeling as if he might be sick, but he couldn't bring himself to bring the can to his lips and drink. The information swirled around his brain, heavy with fog and mistrust.

Isolation. Namjoon had never wanted him on Earth. He didn't even want him near the edge, and would often get annoyed with him whenever he spent time with other angels. He had kept him isolated within heaven itself for years before he finally broke free by falling.

How many times had Namjoon diverted from the conversation at hand because he didn't want to answer any of his questions? How many times had he outright ignored him because of his anger? How many times had he told him not to use that tone with him? And the whole incident with Taehyung...

Jimin slammed the laptop shut harder than necessary; lifting it off his lap and setting it down on the table with the can, he sat up with an uneasy feeling. He threaded his fingers through his hair with shaky hands.

Yoongi was right — of course he was right — Jimin isn't sure why he seems so surprised at the notion. The worst part was that Jimin couldn't fully understand why he was right. Taehyung had told him he was destined to fall, which would explain why Namjoon was so rigid but if he'd known he would fall, why wouldn't he tell him? Why didn't he give him the tools to be better, to stop it from happening? Leaving him in the dark didn't teach him how to protect himself from harm, and yet he still expected him to have common sense.

Jimin was furious. He was tired of being at fault for stupid shit he had no control over. He pushed himself from the couch, grumbling to himself. He would have to talk to Yoongi, and see if he would be honest with him, as if he didn't already know the answer to that question.

—————— † ——————

i apologize for the massive info dump about gaslighting; the next few chapters are far more exciting, though I promise

i'll see you all next week!