All's Fair in Love and Las Vegas

Chapter One Hundred

"Well, she said you were drunk and alluding to the fact that we'd slept together, so I figured it was pretty serious," he said matter-of-factly.

I covered my face with my hands, mortified. Grayson smiled and reached over to pull my wrists down. "It's okay, Jacks. Doesn't matter how drunk or mad you are; I'll always come if you need me."

He was saying all the right things, things that felt so wrong to hear from him. I curled up tighter, murmuring, "I appreciate you coming over."

"Yeah. I also, um, I figured that today being your due date...I put two and two together," Grayson confessed.

It was like I slammed a gate down over my face. Guarded, I said, "We don't have to..."

"Yes, we do need to talk about it," he said firmly. "Jackie, I know we have been on horrible terms but this is really worrying to me. I'm not even going to admonish you for drinking so much; you already know how disappointed I am about that. But I need to know if you're okay."

I shrugged. "Of course I'm okay. It was months ago."

"You're not okay. You're hurting and unless you've told someone else about Everlie, you can't keep holding onto all these feelings by yourself," he said, reaching over and taking my hand. I shivered; his touch felt so unfamiliar yet so warm and cozy.

"I haven't told anyone," I said slowly. "But that's fine. By next week I'll be back to normal."

"Jacks, please don't do this to yourself," he said softly.

        "I'm not doing anything," I said, my heart constricting.

Grayson stayed quiet for a moment before opening both arms to me. I shook my head, fighting back tears. He was the only person in the world who knew about the daughter I'd lost, yet talking about it would crush me.

"Oh, Jacks," he murmured, brushing away the stray tear that had escaped.

That's when it broke. The fence, the careful wall I'd built around myself crumbled. Grayson wrapped his arms around me as I sobbed into his shoulder, completely shattered inside.

"She's gone," I cried, holding on with everything in me. "She's gone, and I never had her. We were supposed to have a child, Grayson, but we never even got to meet her."

"I know, darling, let it all out," he whispered, rubbing my back as he held me.

"I didn't even want a baby," I sniffled. "But then it was like the greatest thing ever, and I was so excited and I felt like I finally had someone worth living for. That my life wasn't just sad and work and boring. I bought outfits and thought about painting a nursery and it was so magical but..." I trailed off in broken sobs, hiding deeper in the folds of his shirt.

For a while he didn't say anything, but then I realized Grayson had tears shining on his face, too. Part of me felt terrible; he was mourning too, yet he was still holding on for my sake. Guilt was thrown into my emotional hurricane, making me cling to him tighter.

"You can talk to me too," I said, swallowing back a sob. "It's your daughter as much as mine."

"Yeah," he whispered. "Sometimes I think about how crazy her life would've been, between us, but I always wish I could've known her."

"She would've loved you so much," I murmured. "And you would've made an amazing dad." As messed up as my relationship with him was, I wouldn't have picked anyone else to be the father to my child.