She didn't sleep on the way to Liss's but afterward couldn't call to mind anything that had happened on the trip down, though as far as she knew it was uneventful.
Robbie greeted them warmly and Anne thanked both him and Liss profusely for taking them in. She and her daughters crashed in the guest room. She ate light in the morning, helping with the dishes after, and then sat outside on the deck, looking out over the grassland. She dimly recalled sending a text to Shelly that there was still a family emergency and that it involved her children. She wondered if she'd be fired and didn't even feel sad at the prospect, only numb. She couldn't think what she should have done differently and so there was no regret, not for that.
Liss sat beside her on the deck. "Della told me you had a fight with your mom?"
"Yeah," Anne said.
"What happened? I mean, besides obviously letting him come get them."
Anne shrugged. "She was my mom. Low bar for men. Thought he had a right to access them."
"Did you tell her about the looks?"
"She thought it was fine that he grabbed my neck since he didn't leave bruises. Don't know how I would explain a look to her, or if she'd care if I could. She'd probably blame it on me not shaving or wearing makeup. That's what she blamed the cheating on."
Liss made a sound of sympathy and took her hand. "This is not your fault."
"It just feels like everything I'm doing is leading me down this path to where it gets to the point I have nothing else I can do. He gets full custody, and all I can do is hug them as legal adults when they leave him and tell me what he did to them. And I'm trying so hard not to let that happen but I'm getting to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I love them so much. More than anyone, more than I ever loved Will, more than I love you and Jen, more than Viktoria and Grampa, more than Nana. Like it would break my heart to hurt any of you to save them and I would never get over it, but I would do it if I had to. I wouldn't hurt my girls for anyone."
"I understand," Liss said. "I think that's just being a good mom."
"Hmph," Anne said with a joyless smile. "You know, it's just...I've spent so much time trying to understand and empathize with my mother, because of everything she's been through in her childhood. She's a hurt little girl who was never taken care of. Abused, abandoned, neglected by every single person who was supposed to care for her. Her mother, her father, her brother, her stepfather, foster parents, boyfriends, and a gang rape and child trafficking on top, like what does that do to a person? Our childhoods sucked but we had someone, you know? I don't even think she's had a truly good friend. But it's one thing for me to grow up and make the decision to forgive her for past wrongs done to me, but my kids? Like if he'd made a sexual comment to them, I do believe she wouldn't have sided with him. She might have still blamed me, but she wouldn't have let him get near them. Like she's a big reason my sister's kids are okay. But the fact is whether he said something obvious or not, the risk is there. I told her he grabbed my neck. And she tried to let him have access to them. I don't think I can forgive her for that."
"You aren't obligated to. It's crossing a different line. You can understand her. You can have empathy. But you don't have to forgive her, for them or for you."
Anne squeezed the hand that held hers. "I know."
"You told her about your stepfather, right?"
"Yeah," Anne said.
"And she believed you?"
"Yeah, she did. Without question. They'd been broken up for a few years though. I don't know if that makes a difference."
YOU ARE READING
Impostor Syndrome
Mystery / ThrillerAnne has had a rough start to life, having experienced abuse in many forms. But after twenty years of marriage to the love of her life, with her two daughters approaching adulthood, she thought the pain of the past was behind her. Until her husband...
