Forced Paths

Ambivalence

The walk from the living room to his bedroom seemed longer than he remembered. He started counting the steps, just to be sure that the distance was the same. Or perhaps as a way to calm down. One, two, three. Even the the number came longer in his mind. Then he understood. He was dragging his feet, almost afraid to face her. Was it because she would be angry, accuse him of something he really didn't plan or have a power over.
He stopped in front of the door and looked intensely as if it was a great enemy.
Hinata was upset. She had a reason to. He wasn't that cocky. Sakura coming here could compromise his brother's existence, the whole plan even, if the word got out.
And he had asked her to be angry in the past. He was almost asking her then to claim him.
He knocked on the door absent minded. It was his room, he didn't need to knock, to announce his presence. Yet he did and he waited until she answered. Only when he heard her voice the handle turned and he saw the inside.
She was sitting on the armchair across the bed, already changed in her night attire. She looked at him and then at the floor, him again, until her head turned slightly to look outside at the night sky. She liked for the window to be open, he had never cared to opened it before she came here.
"I didn't want to cause a scene in front of your brother." She said and the words came calm, soft even, but she was not apologising.
"Itachi didn't know and it was surely better for it to stay that way." Sasuke responded.
Then she turned and her stare rested on him.
"I agree." She said and bit her lips. "But I wasn't the one that began it."
"I already told you, I didn't invite her here." He said more loudly, in the hope that Itachi couldn't hear him at the garden where he had retreated. For them to have some privacy, even if he said that he just wanted to see it. In moments like these, he realised again the difference between them. How great of a man his brother was. And if he had cared to think it through, if he had the time to, he would had understood that the usual stink in his heart wasn't there anymore.
She had crossed her arms on her lap and her expression seemed as if she was weighing her next words.
"It's reasonable, I guess. You are going to her house frequently. She wants to come to yours too."
It's reasonable, she said, but her tone suggested otherwise. There was a temporary mockery.
"She won't come here again." He almost yelled.
"You have said those words before." She answered him.
"I will drive her out of the clan, if I have to."
Her features changed, a sadness was evident.
"Isn't that too cruel?" She asked him. "She behaves like this because she loves you."
Sasuke laughed.
"She doesn't." He responded.
Her eyes widened to the certainty of his statement.
"Perhaps you are too oblivious to the fact." She said.
"Why are you still talking about her?" Sasuke lost his temper.
"Because you ran to her everytime you had the chance." She told him softly. She breathed. "So why did you ask me to stay?"
He stared at her.
How do you truly feel about your wife.
"You said it was enough, just me asking you." He said seriously.
"It's not anymore." She responded.
"Why?" He took a step. That notion made her uncomfortable. She moved slightly on the chair.
"I asked you a question." She said and her voice was mixed with confidence and uncertainty.
"I am not seeing her. I won't see her again." He responded.
"That wasn't my question." She said.
It was almost surreal, he thought. He was standing still and she watched him on the comfort of the chair. Was the uneasiness that she felt that first night, the same as the one he was feeling now.
"What do you want Hinata?" He asked, yelled to shake it away.
But her eyes were piercing.
"We have many things on our plate right now. Discussing my affairs are not the top priority." He lied. He half did. It was true and logical and he was right. And he wanted her to claim him. Shit.
"You are right." She said and got up. "Discussing your affairs..I was being unreasonable." She said lowly.
"No. You were right to be angry. I didn't mean otherwise. Compromising the plan..."
"Yes. The plan." She said and her mind seemed elsewhere.
She walked to close the window, but then decided against it.
She turned and her fist was curled.
"What if I will be angry after? After the plan, after everything? What if I am angry even if it's you going to her house?"
He was silent. Afraid even. Afraid? He wasn't sure that was the right word.
"What if I am not hesitant anymore? What if just staying isn't enough?"
He shook his head slowly. She did it more lively.
"Just...Keep that in mind." She said and retreated to the bedside.
"What exactly? If you are not happy..If you want to leave.. I told you I won't..."
"I don't want to leave." She stopped him.
"So?" He was utterly confused. He waited for a fight and instead he was met with something he couldn't quite grasp.
"We don't have to talk about it right now. You said it yourself, there are more pressing matters."
"I don't understand." He said.
She looked at him. Weighted him really if he could guess. Then she titled her head to the side, as if what she was searching was written on his face and she couldn't believe it.
She took a step, then another. She stayed in front of him for a moment, then another moment passed and he was ready to ask again but her feet raised.
"Something like this." She said and she kissed him. Softly, like she had done again. Yet unlike before she wasn't hesitant. It was shy, a brush, a touch of the lips, a claim.
"I meant something like this." She said as she walked away. She widened her eyes and pressed her lips together as if only now she grasp the situation.
"Goodnight." She said hurriely and almost run to the bed, unfolding the covers, burring herself underneath.
He touched his mouth. Excitement. That was, wasn't it, that feeling from before. Worry that he might be wrong, that he was misunderstanding.
He sat at the edge of the bed. He was sure she was still awake when he spoke.
"I..." He coughed. "I am looking forward for something like this." He said, but never got an answer.
He laid on the bed, there was a line that separated them. She had chose the other edge.
He wanted to erase that tiny space, but he didn't want to frightened her. She had given him a taste for the future, a hope.
He let a breath out. It would be a long night.