She's In Love With A Geek

Chapter 48 - I Love You

What they had was real.

And as for me, he probably thought I fooled him, manipulated him into falling in love with me. Which I was the only one to blame as I painted that picture for him to believe.

So between me and Olivia, she probably had more chances of getting him back than I did as I had already pushed him away with my lies.

Did Chad really believe me? At that time, I intended for him to believe my act and all the hurtful words. I was determined to save him, but now, I wanted to take it all back.

He must have thought I totally lost it. Would he really believe me again?

If I approached him, he would probably just try to ignore me. Just like he did a while ago, he'd pretend I didn't exist. He saw me in the hallway, but pretended not to see me. I felt my heart sink and my stomach churn at that moment.

I was hurt, but I had to remind myself that I deserved it. That's what I wanted in the first place.

For him to stay away from.

Then again, that was before. It's different now.

So how would I get him to talk to me again?

Just us.

Alone.

I can try to get a B or A again and ask him to talk to me. But isn't that like throwing insults at him? I used another form of our deal to negate my lies. That would be manipulation. And I wouldn't want that approach.

I have to let him know that my actions for the past few days were simply acts of cowardice and impulsiveness. For me thinking it would be for the best.

Maybe I could write a letter? I could express my thoughts more fully, and put them down in writing.

Yes!

That's the way to go, that'd be perfect.

Writing a letter might be the most effective way to communicate with him now. It would allow me to pour my feelings and thoughts, and express them in a way that I can't do in person.

Especially when my emotions take over like the last time, I need to be able to put my feelings into the right words.

I smiled at the thought.

I looked through my bag for my scented personalized stationary. This is something I use only on special occasions or when something important is at stake.

I'm glad I have it with me at this time.

The moment I picked up the pen and started scribbling, I felt a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Words flowed out of me like a river.

It was like I was writing a story or something--I was creating something special.

Our story.

I started off with the first time I saw him, and how he made me feel. I was so intrigued by him, so captivated by his way of thinking.

I was so drawn to his mind and his views of the world. It was the most attractive thing and one of the wonderful reasons I fell in love with him.

I may have confessed my feelings to him under the oak tree, but I felt it wasn't enough. I didn't say everything that I wanted to say. It wasn't the exact words. That wasn't the type of confession I wanted to make.

But, hopefully through this heartfelt letter, which was getting so long by now, I could finally be able to tell him what really was on my mind.

The exact words I wanted to tell him that day.