(EQ): Explained By An Average Idiot

An Emotionally Intelligent Lade

What is the evidence for and against the existence of emotional intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is not an emerging science that recently sprang into existence from unfounded theories or scientific speculation. Rather, emotional intelligence is an emerging terminology for a pre-existing set of studies, theories, and practices relating to emotional regulation and cognitive-behavioral change. Striving for higher emotional intelligence is simply the art of learning more about human emotional beliefs and behaviors; how those thoughts, feelings, beliefs and actions impact our interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships, and practicing healthier ways of managing our emotions.

A person can be extremely smart (IQ) and still not understand exactly why they feel the way they do, or have little control of how they react to certain situations or stimuli. Likewise, a person can have a lower IQ and possess a better understanding of their emotional states, and have healthier systems of managing those emotions (EQ).

What happens to people who let emotion drive them?

I have lived both lives. In one, the impulsive nature of having little control lead to chaos. In the other, the strict rationale lead me to betray morals that were fundamental to my character. After many years, and both lives, I concluded that honest peace could only emerge within a construct built on polarity. However, to achieve peace, restraint must be a constant practice.

How does trauma affect the ability to express emotions?

For me, it showed that there was a critical need to give myself permission to experience all of the feelings tied to certain events, instead of compartmentalizing a majority of those emotions in reaction to what was going on. Until we gain the awareness, that to get through it; we have to go through it, a part of us will always be stuck in that room. Trapped behind a door and looking for a way out... the key is held by each of us alone. And all you have to do to get through - is go through.

I hate myself for being too emotional and vulnerable. How would I heal from my anxious attachment?

Susie Q, don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself permission to feel things without judging yourself for your emotions, and realize that vulnerability takes many shapes and forms throughout life. What feels like an impassible vulnerability now could flower into a strength you didn't even know you had twenty years from now. To overcome attachments, try letting go of some of your ideas and expectations of results, as many of our attachments are to ideas or idealistic beliefs about who people should be, what people should do, and who people are. So when objective reality begins to challenge those ideas or beliefs, it can trigger overwhelming anxiety. Healing from this should involve a lot of meditation, and accepting that no matter how well you think you understand humans; there will always be a large group of people who fall outside of your ideas about them.

Do you think differently in different moods, or do you feel differently in different mind-sets?

Moods and emotions differ in that a mood is a state of mind that is not as intense as an emotion, and an emotion necessitates contextual stimuli.

Our thoughts could very easily be framed or perceived differently in different moods - although how those thoughts are managed is something that would ultimately depend on the conscious awareness of each individual to the correlations between thought and mood. Emotions are triggered by both internal and external stimuli, consequentially it creates an inability to control all of them, and to control them all the time. We can, however, use our mind-set - or conscious cognitive awareness - to help manage our emotional states, and emotional responses.