(EQ): Explained By An Average Idiot

With a Note of Empathetic Sympathy

How do you think empathy contributes to (or detracts from) our social relationships?

Empathy and sympathy alike can be useful skills in all relationships, however, over-use or under-use of either can have negative side effects and ultimately strain the relationship at-large. Empathy helps us to understand some ones thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or situations without sharing in the persons feelings (I can feel sorry for you, but I'm not sad.). Sympathy is subjective, but it helps us to share the feelings of things so we can go through them together. It's not always healthy to feel sorry without feeling sad, neither is it always healthy to adopt someone else's feelings as your own. You can only be logical for so long before you have to go with your gut, or listen to your heart.

Empathy can contribute, as well detract from social relationships, ultimately, though: It's up to the person using the skill.

Is it better to have too much empathy and get overwhelmed, or too little and not care about others?

A good start can be recognizing where empathy has developed into sympathy, and understanding the difference between the two. Being empathetic, is being able to express understanding of another's thoughts, feelings, beliefs or situations without becoming subsumed by how they feel. Being sympathetic, however, is understanding or being relatable by sharing the feelings of another. It becomes easy to see that practicing healthy empathy shouldn't lead to feelings of being overwhelmed, no matter the degree in which the empath is using this social skill. It would also be beneficial to avoid using empathy and sympathy as a means to gauge the level of care we have for others, because they are skills that each of us can develop within ourselves: Just because someone has weaker empathetic ability, doesn't necessarily mean that they care less than an individual who is better at practicing empathy.

What are some of the most empathic gestures that you've seen someone perform that have bought you to tears within the last 3 years?

Last winter I witnessed a traveler who was stopping by a gas station; he was in a rental from the airport just down the road, and was coming out of the store to pick-up on the next leg of whatever journey he was on. Before he reached his rented sedan, he looked behind him and saw an older homeless man - who was sitting there silently by the entrance, too shy to ask for anything. This traveler gave the man all the cash in his wallet, the bag of food he brought from the store, and a new heavy winter parka. After the brief interaction, it was discovered the homeless man was also suffering from a mental illness; the traveler then opened the trunk of the car, and the back door - and gave all of his belongings to the less fortunate gentleman. The only thing this kind anonymous soul kept was one change of clothes, and the shoes on his feet.

A stranger just flew into my home town and did more for the homeless with one gesture than I'd done for the community in years, and it's something that really moved me; it was touching but also put me in a position to reflect.

If this was you, dear reader, (Kellogg and West st -ICT) please reach out!