Darkest Light - COMPLETE (bxb story tagalog/english)

Chapter 21

"Alex.. I.."

"No.. I'm fine.. I promise.. Do it again." I said with my eyes still closed. Miguel cup my cheek and finally our lips press together and I'm the one who deepened it, tasting something familiar with a mixture of cigarette and mint. He breathes in and thrust in my mouth, tasting mine aswell. He quickly pulled away though, when I began to stiffen in his arms again.

"Sorry.. I got carried away." He appologize..

"Miguel.." I mumbled as a yawn broke out and I fell fast asleep, wrapped up with the warmest blanket I know, Miguel.

"Sleep well.. my Alex.." and I did..

*********

Lumayo ka sa kanya!

Ayoko!

You're ruining the life I wanted for my son, Alex!

Ayoko na pong lumayo.. Miguel.. Alam kong ayaw din ni Miguel na lumayo ako. He would get mad at me.. He'll hate me. I have to go back to him or I'll end up lost forever.

"Alex.. s-san ka pupunta?" I turn ans saw Miguel behind me. "Bigla ka na lang nawala sa tabi ko. I was looking all over for you. Can you come here?"

I eyed him. He was barefoot. Then I saw my own bare feet. I eyed him again, ni wala syang suot na damit pantaas. Naka pajama pants lang sya. Malamig.

"Bat ka lumabas ng ganyan? Pumasok ka na Miguel." He eyed me. Tinitigan nya lang ako then he blinks. As if he is thinking that he is dreaming

"Hindi ako aalis. I am trying to look at my self." Asan ba ko? Right, I was at the backyard of the huge villa like house. May fish pond dito. Malinaw yung tubig. Maliwanag din kahit madaling araw pa lang. Marami kasing poste ng ilaw sa buong yard so I can clearly see my reflection.

"Ano? A-Alex please let's just go back in." He looks pleadingly at me.

"Alam mo, Miguel. I can't even recognize my self anymore. Ikaw ba.. nakikilala mo pa ko?" I said as I stare down at my reflection. The reflection of a man who is pale, thin.. and had eyes like of a dead person. Those eyes were never bright, but they are not as lifeless as they are now.

"You are you Alex. Alex will always be Alex." He says.

"That's were you are wrong, Miguel. Iba na ako. I was broken before. Now I am shattered into too many pieces that you can never make me whole anymore. Ewan ko ba bat binalikan mo pa ko, knowing what happened to me?"

"Alex ano bang--"

"I paid a man to sleep with me, to cheat on you pero di ko magawang ituloy, kasi ikaw lang ang tinatanggap ng puso't, kaluluwa ko. I was so scared that night. To many things were going on in my head. I expected the worst and it did happened. I was too overwhelmed that I cracked."

"Alex, let me touch you, please!" I back away when he steps forward.

"I may speak this way but I am still broken! Just listen.. Please." Nanahimik si Miguel and he eyed me..

"The guy I paid took me in the facility for people like me. I got more scared. I believed I am more insane that any of them there. I was restless.. I missed you so much that I pretend you were there, until I started seeing things.. seeing you.. I wasn't in control of my actions anymore to the point I was self harming." Miguel look away like he was stabbed. "I'll scream and hyperventilate when someone gets too near me. I don't eat or sleep that lead to nurses pushing food and medicine down my throat. I got more afraid. More and more! then.. then Shiela came.. then you.." He steps closer and I stiffened.

"No.. No!" I felt my self wheezing already.

"Alex. You don't have to be afraid anymore. You can't push me away anymore.. I can't loose you again. Hinding hindi kita sasaktan. Just trust me again. Trust me. Mahal na mahal na mahal kita Alex. Trust me..

"Can I touch you?" I stiffened but I nodded. He slowly took my shirt off and toss it aside.

"Stand up for me." I did and he took my pants off with my boxers.

"You can speak clearly now.." he said with teary eyes.

"That doesn't make any difference to me. I am still.." I eyed my shaking hands and he took them in his. Nawala kagad ang panginginig ko.

"It is to me. Bumalik ka na sakin. Finally." A tear roll down his wet cheek and he quickly wiped it away. He stripped slowly enjoying my curious eyes.

"Bath?" I shook my head.

"No?" I took a deep breath and held his hand first. He eyed me, waiting for my words..

"Not just a bath. I need you to touch me. Hold me. Do what you want and don't stop. Only then I can return to you.."

"Can you endure it?"

"It doesn't matter. I need this."

He nodded.. and before I knew it.. I was on his lap in the bathtub.

"No, stop!" I stiffened when he held me.

"Relax.. look at me. Please Alex." I opened my eyes, wide and afraid.

"No.." I sobbed and he looked like he was in so much pain. Pero di nya ako binitawan, kahit pahikbi-hikbi na ko. Nanginginig. Ni hindi ko sya mahawakan. Natatakot ako. His hands move on my skin and I felt like I was burnt.

"No! No!! Please stop. I'm not ready. I'm sorry.. I'm not.. I'm not.."

"I know.. I know, but babe.. you need this, we need this." He look at me pleadingly and waited till I calmed down. The gushing water.. the warm water on my body.. the warmth of Miguel.. it calms me down faster than I could imagine. When I open my eyes, ngiti nya ang nakita ko. He cup my cheek and I flinched.

"It's okay.. we'll be fine.." I nodded.

"Just like this for awhile." He said softly and touch his forehead on mine.

"I'm gonna touch your shoulders." He did. I flinch a little. "Tell me where next." I breathe in and nodded. My eyes still closed and just his presence and touches to focus on.

"M-my hand." He took my clenched hand and open it. Nilapag nya lang sa braso nya hangang sa ako na ang kusang kumapit sa kanya.

"Next.."

"My.. back.." his hand slide down my back andIshivered at his touch.

"My chest.." His other hand glided down my shoulder down my chest and I know he can feel my heartbeat thumping hard on my chest.

"Mi-Miguel.." I sobbed and wrapped my arms around him and sobbed on his chest.

"Wag kang magmadali, Alex. Maghahantay ako.. hindi ako mapapagod maghantay, babe. Never.."

Kelan kaya ako huling iiyak? Kelan kaya kami magkikita ng hindi umiiyak at nasasaktan? Kelan ba ako hindi matatakot? Miguel.. lahat ng ito, lahat ng problema ko, sinasalo mo lahat. Sana hindi ka magsawa.

"Miguel.. I love you.."

I breathe out and felt Miguel's chest vibrate as he laughs. His laughter was loud and echoing loudly in my ears. Ng tinignan ko sya he was actually crying while laughing. I just watched him hangang sa tumahimik sya, ang mga malalakas na tawang yun ay napalitan ng malakas na hagulgol.

"You didn't just said that.. hindi.. ahaha.. ha.. haha.. Alex.. you're so cruel.. haha." Halos di sya makapagsalita ng malinaw.. he was still sobbing. Tumatawa ng pilit.. ang sakit pakinggan.

"Hindi ba halata, Miguel?" Ngumiti na lang ako at niyakap sya. Hinantay ko na kumalma sya, hanggang sa yumakap na sya sakin at umiyak ng tahimik..