Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer

Part 75

75

When I reached the bathroom, Michael, his earpiece barely visible, had a stack of towels in his arms and a fairly confused look on his face. We exchanged nods.

"Navid said you needed these?" he said.

"Spread a couple of them flat on the floor, one on top of the other, so I can put her down on them," I instructed.

I watched Michael smooth the towels across the tiles before I was satisfied. "Now, go get her some pyjamas or a nightie to wear. I don't care if you have to go out and buy it. Just leave them outside the door."

He nodded and left.

He didn't have anything else to say to me tonight. I didn't have anything to say to me either. All my attention was on Caitlin, who I'd come so close to losing I was scared almost into speechlessness. But I couldn't touch Caitlin without talking to her – she flinched away from contact unless I spoke. No bloody wonder after tonight.

"Okay, I'll be really careful, just in case you've been hurt. I'm going to try to get you cleaned up a bit. It's okay – it's just you and me. No one else."

I carried Caitlin to the shower. The plastic chair was still in the cubicle, so that's where I carefully placed her, the arms curving around her and keeping her upright.

My arms felt empty as I let her go. I shook myself out of my silly sentimentality and dropped to my knees on the tiles. I started checking her over. She'd been splattered with Laura's blood, dusted in something grey and then rolled on the carpet, so it was hard to tell if she was wounded. I decided to check her bones for breaks first, then look for anything else after I'd cleaned her up. Aside from the red marks from the handcuffs, her left hand looked fine. Her right hand wasn't so good, though, already swelling and tender from the pounding it had taken against the wall. A trickle of blood started at one knuckle, running down to her wrist. I took her hurt hand in mine and brought it up to my lips. "I'm sorry," I whispered again.

I felt stupid talking to her while she was unconscious, but it wasn't the first time, though it might be the last. I wondered what she was dreaming about, or if she heard me.

I closed my eyes, wishing there was someone else I could ask to do this. But there wasn't anyone else I trusted. I took a deep breath. "I'm going to take these clothes off you, angel. I need to check your injuries and make sure you're okay. Then I'm going to get you cleaned up. You won't need those any more – I'll get you into your own clothes as soon as I can."

Gently, I peeled the bloodstained pants from her legs, then pulled them off her feet, one at a time. I balled them up and threw them into the corner by the bin.

I took a deep breath and looked at Caitlin. There was dried blood on her knees and all along her shins. I closed my eyes, the images coming unbidden. She'd knelt in her nightie on the floor, slick with Laura's blood, as she pulled the pants off her and put them on. Fuck, what had she been thinking? Taking the clothes from a corpse?

Another deep breath that I held. Time for the vest. I swallowed, wishing I didn't have to do this. I had to check if Navid had broken any of her ribs. I told myself that if I thought of this as just another med practical and ignored her boobs like any professional doctor would, I'd be okay. Fuck. No, I wouldn't. Like a coward, I closed my eyes as soon as I touched the zip. Caitlin cringed, throwing her arms up to protect her chest, pushing my hands away.

I lifted my hands in surrender. "It's me and it's okay. I need to check if you're injured and get you out of these clothes. You're covered in blood, angel. I need to know that you're okay." Cautiously, I touched her zip again. "Just me, angel. I'm not going to hurt you." And I'm going to do my best not to perve on you, I swear. I clamped my mouth shut so I didn't say it. Right now, I'd apologise for it being dark at night if it would make her feel better.