Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer

Part 61

61

I gorged on breakfast because I hadn't had hash browns in ages. I packed a bag of clothes to take to Caitlin's, then stretched out on my own couch and watched TV, calling Navid every hour for an update on her. By the fourth phone call, he answered with, "She's fine. If you're so worried, go bother her."

But Caitlin didn't expect me 'til the evening, so I didn't dare show up early. I had other plans.

It was Tuesday, when Chris had an afternoon off from university, so I waited for her to come home. I needed to know if she'd seen anything suspicious, anyone stalking her. If they weren't coming for Caitlin, they could be casing Chris.

She didn't get home until almost four, when I was starting to worry. I had my packed bag by the door, ready to go, and Chris's eyes darted straight to it as she stepped inside.

I opened my mouth before she could comment on it. "Chris, you haven't had anyone watching you or following you, have you? After Alanna and now spending so much time with Caitlin, I'm starting to worry…" I trailed off.

Chris snorted. "No. Why would anyone bother stalking me?" She dropped her keys on the hall table. "What is it about that girl that has you so obsessed with her?"

My reply was automatic. "She's been badly hurt and she needs my help."

She snorted again, louder this time. "Yeah, you've said that before, but she's not unconscious in hospital now. And if anyone was going to try to hurt her again, they'd have done it by now. This is getting ridiculous. How well do you really know her?"

I hesitated for maybe a minute, but when the words came, they flooded out. "I know how many times she still wakes up at night, screaming at the nightmares of what happened to her. I know how much she still hurts from her injuries and how hard she tries to hide it from everyone. She doesn't like strangers touching her. She hates breakfast cereal, my car, anything restrictive around her wrists and asking anyone for help. I know by the sound of her screams whether she's afraid or in pain." I closed my eyes, trying to push the sound of Caitlin in pain out of my head.

Chris was silent for a moment before she spoke. "Listen to yourself, Nathan. You're not talking about a healthy relationship. What you're saying sounds seriously fucked up. Is there anything good about her? Anything the girl actually likes?"

Thank you, Chris. The images in my head turned from dark to light. "She likes strawberries, music and ducklings." And occasionally me. I felt myself smiling. I opened my eyes again.

Chris shook her head. "Strawberries, music and ducklings. You know her real well, don't you?" She pressed her lips together. "Stay away from her, Nathan. That girl isn't good for you."

I shook my own head. Stay away from her? I'd go crazy with worry in a day. "You don't know her."

Chris looked grim. "Neither do you." She turned away, picked up a sponge and scrubbed the bench so hard it looked like she wanted to take the laminate off it. "Is there anything you wouldn't do for her?" she muttered, half under her breath.

I wasn't sure if she'd meant me to hear that last bit, but I was too pissed off to care. Nothing Chris said could come between me and Caitlin.

"Yes," I snapped. "I wouldn't die for her."

Chris turned around to stare at me, her mouth hanging open. She stood there in shock for maybe half a minute before she spoke. "Well…well, that's good," she said uncertainly.

"Do you want to know why?" I asked steadily.

"I…" Chris swallowed, seemingly lost for words. That didn't happen much. Another day, I'd have felt triumph, but today there was only anger. Caitlin's the key to keeping you alive, but today I don't care any more.

"I wouldn't die for her because I wouldn't be able to protect her any more. What if I missed one of the people who hurt her and my absence let them get to her? I couldn't take that risk. She's too important." I walked out of the kitchen before she replied. I'd promised Caitlin I'd be back before dark and I didn't want to be late.

"…fucking paranoid, delusional…" I heard Chris's voice say as I opened the front door.

Not as delusional as thinking that I'm safe and no one can hurt me, I thought. There are real monsters out there. The worst part is that they're human.