Crossroads : ( Chris Brown Story )

Crossroads ₪ XI

"I don't want sneakers, I want you." He said looking up at me with his big blue eyes, kid damn near broke my heart.

I hugged him tight. "I might be going out tonight again, I'll try and see if I can change it."

"Okay," he said holding his glove in his hand.

"Anytime you feel like this, anytime you have something that you see mommy or daddy doing that makes you unhappy you let us know."

"Does this mean you'll quit?"

"No, I still got to feed you. But I promise you I'll be home more often, even when I'm not I promise I'll take you with me."

He smiled, "Okay daddy."

Now I feel like shit, my own damn son feels like I've gone ghost in the house. That's bad as it is that he sees through how Brielle and I are starting to act with each other. I don't ever want my son to think that I don't want to spend time with him or that I'm purposely trying to make his mother sad. That's defintely not how I'm trying him make him see me as. I love my son, excuse me I love my sons to death. They are apart of me, when I die that's the one thing I'll be happy knowing I left behind to carry the torch. Last night honestly wasn't a personal night for myself, I had a reason for going out and clearly it showed. I would never want them to think I'm purposely doing something to make their mother unhappy, that is my wife. If I didn't love her I wouldn't be with her, I wouldn't put us through that hassel for sticking together for the kids. In the end that would still cause pain on us and definitely for boys. I'm a man and I'm going to do what ever the hell I want to do when I want to do it. Sometimes to me it'll be a good idea but once it's said and done I might regret it later, that's the choices I make. But I really do need to start thinking about how it affects others around me.

"Daddy, can I ask you something else?"

"What?"

"You and mommy going to get a divorce?"

I stood him up on my lap to look at him at eye level. "No, why would you ask me that?"

"Cause Papi told me that him and Nana are getting a divorce, he told me that means when two people who love each other end up leaving each other because they don't want to be together no more. He said no matter what they will still always love me and I'm still their nino."

"Remember after Caeden was born, you walked your mommy down the aisle in this big building, with Papi, Nana, Grandma, and everybody else sitting behind us while mommy and I stood together?"

"Yeah?"

"You remember what I said to her?"

"No," he said shaking his head.

"I told her that she had looked more beautiful to me than she ever did that moment standing there in her white dress. I told her it took me a minute to realize that she was the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I never would have imagined it would be her standing before me to take on my last name, I couldn't really imagine it being anybody but her regardless. It was as if she was already mine to begin with, the only thing we was missing was the ring I placed on her finger that day. I told her that this ring ends all doubt of the way I feel about her, I promised to love her through the up and down, through sunny and rainy days, and fortune and tragedies. After I take this final moment to reel in my last free minutes as a free man I want to say how much I love and how I'll continue to love you after I say I do. I will love you today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life. I told her after that day she was going to be mine for life, cause we will never be apart. That's exactly what I told her, those what you call vows."

"Owls?"

"No vows, it means to us that divorce isn't a option. We don't believe in divorce, so no matter what we are going to stay together forever and forever. You don't have anything to worry about, alright?"