The Other Brother

Khanyi indeed passed by. Spending time with her made me realise that I almost lost a siser. She is with her father and Thabi. It's crazy how this fine man is her father. To be honest I never loved Ngcobo one bit. He has this dark aura I can't pin point. We are standing underneath the tree trying to catch up. I'm bleeding on her behalf. She is not inlove with the man she is dating.
"Why not leave him then?" I ask. Why would she sacrifice for much when her heart is not at peace? She is miserable.
"You wouldn't understand." She tells me. She must try me. I understand everything. I even understand myself going after Skhosane.
"Alot has been going on but I choose to let go. Hopefully, someday I will be happy."
"Manje you going to keep sacrificing myself for him?"
"You were in my shoes once. You would understand better."
Okay. My mouth is shut. She made shut up.
"Mxm." She laughs and slightly pushes my shoulder playfully.
"The mjolo pandemic."
"Yah neh."
We hear foot steps from behind and it's Thabi. She has her hands on her head. Skhumbuzo has a way of embarrassing me and my mother. Why did he not leave his short men behind?
"Aibo. I swear your father has a way of embarrassing me!" Thabi.
"What did Babana do?"
Khanyi is just confused as I am.
"Aibo. I think he found a girlfriend." She adds. She looks spooked.
"A girlfriend? From where?"
That man - ever since he arrived. He never left my skwata camp. It might be one of the nosy neighbours.
"Her mother and your dad are lost in each other's eyes! I've never seen this. This is embarrassing." She shakes her head.
"Ima whoa. Lost in each other's eyes how?" I ask. She's not making sense.
"Just that. I smell a date soon!"
My mother and dating? I laugh out so loud that Thabi stops venting whatever is in her chest and pauses for a second looking at me. I stop laughing and clear my throat.
"You joking right?"
"Do I look like I'm joking to you?" Okay she's not.
"It's just spur of the moment." I assure them and they believe me. Our parents are way too old to me 'lost in each other's eyes!'
I have been inspecting this woman called my mother of her every move. She musn't dare me and fall inlove. She is busy humming like there is no tomorrow.
"So, you and Khanyi really sorted things out?"
Why is she asking me? Did I not tell her? All of this is suspicious to me in every way.
"Yes. Even though we are not that close like before." I respond. I am meant to be in Durban - Skhumbuzo happened. Now I have deal with a happy woman.
"It will soon pass. You two come a long way." She continues to sings. Haibo! When was the last time my mother sang Celine Dion. My father was still around if I remember correctly.
"Ow, we are invited to Thabi's wedding."
She leave me stunned. I quickly grab my phone and send Khanyi a quick text.
"I think we are going to be siblings." I click on send. I stand on the same spot still frozen. Parents should be banned!

MKHULEKO

What is it like to see the one you love with someone else? The first seconds are the worst ones - I was actually trying to understand this new reality and I have to face it. Anxiety forced me to have bad thoughts. Thoughts of asking myself a lot of questions. Am I not enough? Is this what I deserve? I see her in my dreams all the time. Her smile still lingers in my thoughts. She’s with someone that really makes her happy. If she is happy. Is Mkhuseli better than me? Am I even worth anything? These thoughts have been haunting me for a while now. Is she a sort of universal measure of what is worth or cool? If she is hanging out with Mkhuseli yes, she is doing this because she prefers him instead of me: Yes, he’s better than me, but in her perspective. Oh, or maybe it's just that probably she loves him more than she ever loved me. Rejection is one thousand confirmed: it’s crystal clear that she doesn’t want me. I feel devastated because I loved and still lover her so much I also deserve a second chance in love. But reality is, you can’t control other people. I can’t control her. If living for her was my ONLY goal, may be worth re-thinking about my vision of love. Does it make sense to compare myself with my brother?
Not at all.
Why?
There are no comparison ‘criteria’ to measure people, everyone is different and unique in his own way. I am officially alone. I accept that! I am alone, with his Cons and also with lots of Pros! I have made a mistake while in relationship with her, I need to focus to improve myself such that in the future I won’t repeat the same error. Love is not selfish, even if it is unrequited. Wish them the best and move forward with a lighter heart than yesterday.
"Ah ntwana. Just let her go." One of the inmates say. I have been staring at her picture almost everyday.
I even fail to connect with my own daughter.
"I need to. I don't have any choice now do I."
I chuck in sadness. I don't know if I will ever heal from this.
"Trust me. That is the first healing process."
I nod my head in agreement. My heart will need to heal from this and move on. Hearing the news of Mkhuseli wanting to marry her - that shattered my heart.
"My advice to you. For now, focus on your daughter. She's just months old and she needs you."
He is right. I need to live for myself. Fight every tooth and nail to come out alive an healthy. By the time I am released. She would be five years. Already I've lost alot of years in her life.
"Thank you." I say in gratitude. This is the life I chose to live. My daughter and I.

THABISILE

We are back home and I am exhausted. Manqoba wants to come by so we could spend some time together. This man cannot get enough of me. Am I complaining? No. I'm loving every bit of it.
"That woman. What is her name again?"
My father's voice disturbs my thoughts. He can't be serious.
"You mean Ntobi's mother?"
The smile on his face.
Haibo! This man.
"Yes, her."
"Dali." I say. The smile grows larger on his face. Okay I am doomed
Ia m not ready for a step mother at this age. MaNgcobo was one woman who wa enough being a step mother.
"She's pretty. What do you think about her?"
He can't be possibly asking me that.
Where is Khanyi when I need her the most.
"What are you up to?"
"What do you mean?" He can't fool me. I'm clever than him.
"I saw the way you looked at her."
He smile. Is he not ashamed!
"You know that woman reminds me of your mother. Her aura. Sweet and welcoming. She just has that thing that just drawed me to her. Am I wrong to feel this way?"
My father expressing himself means real.
"No, you you are not wrong to feel the way you are feeling. You have every right. You are human afterall. If your heart still works, me and Khanyi will never stand in the way of your happiness."
"What if I fall for someone? Will you guys be okay?"
This man is sweet considering us first. Ngcobo will never see heaven robbing our rightful father a chance.
"That will be you and your happiness. Thabi will be fine. The person you should be having a conversation with is Khanyisile. You know how sensitive she could get."
I'm a big girl. I accept easily. Bit I can't imagine my father having sex with an old woman. My world is doom. Soon, we will be facing adult pregnancy!