I decided to delete my last chapter "Depression and Philadelphia" for personal reasons. This chapter will be talking about SAD and AD just like Depression and Philadelphia.
Depression is weird. How is depression planted in someone and later take over the body? Maybe the death of someone close, someone they care about? Or pressure from both society and school? Or maybe even abuse: mental or physical.
Can you make yourself depressed? Fake it until you make it, right? Wouldn't that be weird, almost unnatural? Fake depression for a while and then you're actually depressed?
If that's true, shouldn't I already be happy?
Shouldn't I care less about what others think about me, or not care at all? Shouldn't everything be fine? Shouldn't I be happy and secure with my looks and personality? Should I have to cry myself to sleep, over thinking one single text?
Did you know there's different types of depressed people? Isn't it nice to know there's even more labels for people in this world? There's "persistent depressive disorder", "seasonal affective disorder", "premenstrual dysphoric disorder", "atypical depression" and a bunch more. You know what I hate about these names? These group of words that help people categorize into even smaller groups of people? Nearly all of them have the word "disorder".
Personally I don't think depression is a "disorder". I think it's an effect of something happening in your life, if it's pressure, abuse, death, or even hormones. So, please don't call depression a "disorder", because it's the result of a event, not the result of someone being different.
Personally I think I got AD, atypical depression, from pressure. Atypical Depression is a very common 'type' of depression, which is most like the stereotypical version of depression if it were server. If you have atypical depression, you're obviously depressed, but positive events can make you happier temporally. If you have atypical depression, you have a big appetite, sleep a lot, feel heaviness in your arms and legs, and you're oversensitive to criticism.
Even though I would like to think that I don't sleep a lot, and I'm not oversensitive to criticism, I know I am. I know that if I fail a test or something small I feel like I've lost everything. I feel like an unimportant, idiotic human being. And saying "oh it doesn't matter, you're still young" doesn't help, because no matter how many times I hear that sentence I will always know it's a load of bullshit. I have to choose a gymnasium soon, and every single gymnasium looks at every single grade.
I heard a group of 6th graders a few days ago saying that grades really started to matter when you were in 8th grade, and I thought that was the most stupid thing I'd ever heard. You want to know why? Because if you say that to yourself, you stop caring about your grades, and because you stop caring about your grades you stop caring about learning, and because you stop caring about learning you stop learning. And if you want to sit in a 8th grade classroom, and have no idea what the hell the teacher is talking about because you didn't learn it in 6th grade, then go right ahead and stop caring about your grades when your in middle school.
Atypical Depression is not like the stereotypical type of depression. There is no 'type' of depression when the person is sad all the time, and want to self harm and kill themselves every moment of theirs lives.
There's also SAD, which stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. It's one of the most ridiculous types of depression because the weather; out of all the things; trigger it. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a type of depression where the person only gets depressed during specific seasons because of the weather- and the most common season is winter. This is because winter is one hell of a dark, cold, depressed season, especially in northern countries. Seasonal affective disorder isn't triggered by abuse, bullying, or anything like that- it's triggered by Mother Nature. Fucking Mother Nature. So if anyone ever tells you that depression isn't a natural thing and it's caused because of all the toxic and unhealthy stuff is modern humans eat- tell them they can screw off and that they're being as contributing as much as a spatula is when trying to build a bathtub.
