Places We Keep Our Sins

13 - Qualified

"Is this necessary?"

Y/N was surprised that those words were coming from her sister's mouth instead of her own. Their mother, however, didn't lessen her smile as she did Y/N's hair to meet the Grand Master.

"Do you have an objection to your older sister marrying a good husband, Ningyi?" their mother asked.

Ningyi slouched in her chair, pouting. "I just don't understand why Y/N would be arranged to a temple master. She doesn't even go to lessons."

Y/N gritted her teeth.

"Well, now she'll have plenty of lessons," their mother replied. "Wouldn't you know it? Your prayers for your sister's spiritual well-being have been answered."

Ningyi raised an eyebrow at Y/N before looking away. Both of them knew well that Ningyi had stopped praying for her sister long time ago. Especially after their father had passed.

Or, more accurately, when the Temple let him die.

"I can't say I'm excited about the idea either, Mother," Y/N said. "It seems a little out of the blue –"

"You're of marrying age and you will never get a better offer than this one, dear."

"That's insulting."

"Oh really?" Her mother put a hand on her hip and gave Y/N a smug grin. "An attractive man you've known since childhood, who is faithful to the Goddess, has an upstanding family, who is willing and offering to provide for you? You think you can do better?"

Y/N tried to find an objection but failed. It was all true. Hoseok was a better marriage candidate than any man in the kingdom, and he wasn't a stranger to her, at least.

But she was a Fallen. And sooner or later, she would have to answer for that.

Furthermore, Hoseok also was a bit strange... There was something she couldn't put her finger on.

"He's just so... odd," Y/N eventually said. "He can't possibly love me."

"Well, he certainly can't love you if you keep running away. So go spend some time with him at the very least."

Her mother put in the final pin. A wide smile broke across her usually melancholy face, and Y/N knew that she could never argue with her mother, seeing her smile with such joy.

Y/N's goal had always been to preserve her family. So that's what she intended to do.

***

The gardens were most beautiful in summer.

The High Temple had a modest garden, but carefully tended. They were not so large to get lost in or to attract attention like the city gardens were, but enough to wander and meditate, to speak of the Goddess and her good deeds, to sit peacefully and cry silent tears without anyone watching.

At one point in her life, Y/N had done all three. That was a lifetime ago, however. She couldn't imagine doing any of that now.

But if she stood in the center and let her eyes blur, she could see her father; standing next to the brightest flowers with a satisfied pucker in his lips.

"The Goddess has made so many beautiful things to enjoy," she could hear him say. "It would be a sin not to stop and do so!"

And he would give a hearty chuckle from his chest, clasp his hands behind his back, and stare at the flowers and the sky until the sun turned his skin pink.