𝐖𝐚𝐫 𝐎𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 - TMR, Gally

015 - Newt

I couldn't deny that I was nervous to see Newt up that wooden, unstable tower. My heart pounded in my chest, my palms were sweaty, and I did not know what to expect.

He sat there, on the edge, both legs hanging over it. "Hey." My voice betrayed me by cracking. He replied the same thing, voice cracking too. It made me feel less nervous, somehow, knowing he was nervous too.

"How, uh, are you?" I wondered awkwardly.

"I'm fine. You?"

"I'm fine, too. Thanks."

One thing I knew; when someone said they were fine, they were anything but fine.

His eyes never met mine. He kept staring at the distance, or down. His blonde hair was messy as always, giving me slight comfort. "I'm sorry." He started. "I'm sorry for not visiting you."

"It's okay." I said fast. Maybe too fast. "At least you avoided getting hit by a book."

His shoulders made a slight movement. I took it as a sign he laughed in silence. "I really am sorry."

My anger for him had left the minute I saw his face again. Newt was too kind to betray me by suddenly dropping me. As Alby said, he had his reasons which I had to respect. "It's okay." I repeated.

"You're the first one I'm gonna tell this voluntarily." He continued, slowly, and in a low tone. "But first, I hope in the... future, you find someone you feel comfortable with too. Comfortable enough to also voluntarily tell how you got your limp."

He was comfortable with me. That was good. He would tell me how he got his- oh.

I had been dumb. I had been so. damn. dumb. How did I not realize why he wouldn't visit me?

"When I came up, in the Box, I cried. I felt empty." He swallowed deeply. "Something was missing all the time. Easily explained, we lost people along the way. We had no experience with Grievers or getting stung. And I felt guilty. Guilty enough to think it was my fault, and that I was worthless. Because who would like a bloody thin, insecure, and running... faggot."

I had no words. He didn't give me the time to say anything though, luckily.

"So one day, I got bloody sick of it. I was a Runner, after all. I wrote Minho and Alby a note, went out in the maze as usual, but this time hoping I never came back." He closed his eyes for a few seconds. "But I did come back. Alby saw me, there, attached to the ivy and hanging like a bloody spider. My leg got stuck, like yours. I did the same thing as you and... and that's why I didn't visit. It hurt."

Something blocked my throat. My eyes burned and I felt... weird. Bad.

"And the memories came back. I couldn't handle watching you, my best friend, maybe the one I love the most at this point, like that. The guilt came back, too. I thought as someone who... experienced it, I should've known the symptoms. I should've seen something about you. Should've stopped the Builders and not let you defend me while I'm the Second-in-command and was supposed to punish them instead of-." He inhaled sharply, closing his eyes again, and slowing down his fast pace of talking. "Sorry."

Silent tears leaked from my eyelashes. I hadn't even noticed them until now. My hand reached out for Newt's. He took mine, too. Both of us were sorry for each other and for both our ways of acting.

I lay my head on his shoulder, he wrapped an arm around me. No one had to say anything else. We understood each other easily. Knew when we needed silence, and how we felt.

"But at least we can be limp buddies." He added after a few minutes. I laughed through my tears, quietly, but hearable.

"At least we can." I breathed.