Get Through the Night (ACATN Book 2)

Chapter 2

Chapter 2
"Engineer"

Hindi ko alam paano pagkakasyahin sa mga salita at sa limitadong mga minuto ang lahat ng nanyari sa nakalipas na mga taon. I am uncomfortable going deep down what I have been through to be honest. I wasn't able to talk about it openly.

Bumuntonghininga ako. Ilang beses kong nakagat ang labi ko. Hindi ko masimulan dahil sa matinding paninikip ng puso ko.

Coming here, facing them, it means taking a step backwards. Parang pagbubukas ng kahong matagal ng itinago sa pinakasulok at balak na sanang itapon at kalimutan ng tuluyan. Now, I have to relive parts of the past, which also mean reliving the pain.

I see that they don't have to know about it, but there's no way I can explain myself better without it. Hindi naman kasi awa ang pinunta ko rito. I don't want them to pity me.

"I was sick."

I took a deep breath. I smiled a bit. The important thing now is I am an overcomer. Dahil doon, I was able to grow. That thought is enough to console me and calm me down.

"I have Lupus."

Their eyes widened because of surprise. Umawang ang labi ni Angel, tila gustong magsalita pero hindi magawa ng tuluyan. Bakas ang pagkakatigil ni Eunnie.

"Shortly after my birthday that year, I was diagnosed with Lupus."

I swallowed hard. I want to talk smoothly pero nanunuyo ang lalamunan ko. Parang may bikig pa at mahirap magpatuloy. Sila naman ay matamang nakikinig.

"And... It's been undiagnosed for quite a while so..." I shrugged my shoulder.

"Complications after complications. My body's been naturally weak, so I was easily stricken. It was out of control... My lungs suffered, and I battled pneumonia. My nerves and joints were affected t-too... I was paralyzed and it was hard and painful to move for a long time that I needed therapy so I can w-walk and move and use my hands again. Uh... my k-kidney... it was badly damaged eventually... Thankfully the transplant worked. That saved me..."

Hindi ko na idinetalye pa. It was hard for me to take in before kaya siguro sila rin nahihirapang intindihin. They fell more silent ngunit nangungusap ang mga mata nila. There's pity in it that I have to look away.

"And my eyes... The right one... it's already impaired... but thankfully the other one is fine, had Lasik surgery kaya umayos na."

Nag-iinit ang mga mata ko. I am trembling inside. Kumuyom ang palad ko sa lap ko. Pigil ko ang mga luha. But I don't know how long I can hold them.

Hindi ko alam kung naging malinaw ba kuwento ko pero nagpatuloy na rin ako. Kung hindi man nila maunawaan agad, they may need time. Handa naman akong maghintay pa.

"I struggled so I didn't know how to keep you. Mas pinili ko na lang na huwag nang ipaalam sa inyo at huwag na ring mag-communicate... Nawalan ako ng lakas no'n. I-I was lost... and in a lot of pain so..."

I raised my head and painted a faint smile on my lips. Isa isa ko silang pinasadahan ng tingin. They have really changed, and I hope they've been doing well. Magtatapos na sila sa college, and though a part of me is sad that I wasn't able to join them, I am truly happy for them.

"I'm sorry for what I did, sa pag-iwan ko sa inyo at kawalan ng paliwanag. Gusto kong bumawi. Gusto kong itama iyon. I hope you can forgive me. Our friendship was one of the things I treasured even if it's short lived."

Ilang beses kong naisip na huwag na lang silang guluhin. Naisip kong hayaan na lang tutal kagustuhan ko namang umiwas at lumayo sa kanila. But the bigger part of me knows I should do the right thing. Tunay ko silang mga kaibigan, that I should let them know that I am sorry about what had happened. They matter to me and so I should show that. With my renewed life, I have learned what matters most and it's those priceless things such as friendship.