In Her Shadow (ACOTAR)

Chapter Thirty: Just You

They winnowed directly into the Townhouse, not bothering with what would have been an awkward flight back. Isolde stood in the entryway unable to look at Azriel, knowing that somehow he had found out before she'd had the chance to tell him and now the fallout of that was about to come crashing down on both of them.

"Azriel..." she reached her hand out to him.

He recoiled from her.

She stepped closer to him, "Az..."

"Don't," his voice was so low, almost as if he was afraid to say anything more to her. After agonising moments that dragged by like hours, he finally looked up and met her eyes. "You have a mate,"

She sighed, "Yes,"

"And you didn't tell us,"

"No but-"

He advanced on her, "Everything just makes so much sense now. The nightmares, what happened with that male, the king getting into your mind, keeping me at arms length, your insistence on being friends,"

The way he spat the last word made Isolde flinch, grief settling over her but she said nothing.

"I told you... I shared with you that Elain and I could never be because she was mated and I had to bury my feelings for her,"

"Azriel I'm so-"

"I thought the cauldron was taking pity on me... that maybe fate had-"

Isolde's head shot up, "Fate had what?"

He turned away, "It doesn't matter now,"

She put her hand on his arm and his time he did not move away from her, "Yes it does,"

But he couldn't look at her as he said, his voice strangled, "I thought fate had chosen you for me. The way I feel when I look at you and scent you I... I thought this was what was supposed to be,"

Isolde had no words. There was no world in which she saw herself accepting the mating bond with the King but that did not matter right now. It was there, the cauldron had, for some unknown reason decided that her best pairing was with him.

But standing in front of Azriel, seeing his shoulders hunched and the grief on his face, something finally made sense to her. Fate may have promised her to another, but what had she promised to herself only days ago? That she would take control of her own life. That whatever happened now, it would be because it was her choice.

"Fate has no claim over my heart," she whispered.

Azriel shook her off and paced away, running a hand over his face, "But he has a claim on you!"

"Do you think I want him? That I could ever love him?" Isolde's voice was rising. She had to make him see. "Azriel please just... see reason,"

"Ever since you stumbled into my life, reason has been out of the window. Every thought in my head has been of you, unravelling your secrets, keeping you safe, trying to understand you. Nothing else has mattered for months except for you!" his eyes were wild as he turned back to her.

"And what?" she scoffed. "Do you think your time has been wasted? Your friendship wasted because I won't jump into bed with you?"

"That's not what this is about and you know it,"

"Then what is it about?"

"You're his mate!"

"I don't fucking care about the mating bond!" Isolde suddenly burst out.

Azriel froze, his eyes wide, staring at her as though seeing her for the first time.

"I don't care about the cauldron and I don't care about fate," Isolde's voice shook but she had to say this, had to put everything out there, to finally tell him how she really felt. "I care about my right to choose. I care about my life being my own, my choices being my own,"