Del Rico Triplets #2: Retracing The Steps

Wakas ll

"She doesn't want to see you. I want you to fix yourself so when the time comes that she wanted to see you again, she'll meet a better Troi! Not... not like this!" kumumpas ang kamay niya sa hangin.

Lumakad palapit sa akin ang aking ina. Ang emosyon sa mga mata ay 'di nagbabago.

"Anak, you can visit her if she's sleeping. Bantayan mo siya hangga't gusto mo pero hindi ngayon na gising siya. She might freak out and breakdown and what will happen next, huh?" Humigpit ang kapit niya sa braso ko. "She might do something bad for her and for your baby..."

I cannot understand them. Fuck! They all want me to be okay and now that I am... that I fixed myself, they wouldn't let me talk to her!

Tangina! Pakiramdam ko, lahat sila pinaparusahan ako at wala ni isang nakauunawa sa akin. Walang gustong... unawain ako. And what funny about it is... I know I deserve it.

I downed myself in alcohol once again.

Rolly... Rolly.. Love... I'm sorry.

I cried while sitting miserably on the floor. My head is resting on the stupid bed frame. My room is clean unlike what it always has been after I ruined myself like what I did to her. Naiiling ako at tumatawa nang walang emosyon. I cannot fix myself!

Fuck this!! If there is someone who could do that, it's her. My wife.

I sobbed as I realized again how pathetic I am.

She's torturing me. Our memories of our happy moments together is torturing me. Love... gustong-gusto ko na uling marinig ang pagtawa mo. Gusto kong pagmasdan muli ang masaya mong mukha. Iyong panahong... masayang masaya ka pa sa akin.

I weep like a freaking child that lost a kite due to the strong gushes of wind. I cried because I know that if I only hold on to it's handle and didn't let myself be swayed by cold, I will still be holding onto that. I won't lost it if only I took care of it.

"Mom! Let me see my wife. I won't do anything bad, I promise!" I begged like a fucking insane one.

Sa sarili kong pamilya, nagmamakaawa akong ipakita siya sa akin.

Mom lost all her inhibitions and slapped me pretty hard.

"Are you nuts, Troi? She's pregnant! Heavy emotions are strictly forbidden! Her nightmares are giving her hard times. Hindi ka na dapat makisali!"  puno ng gigil niyang sabi.

My heart constricted when I realized what's in front of me. My cousins... my brothers are there ready to attack me if I do something bad. My parents are looking at me like I'm a fucking pain in the ass.

Pinoprotektahan nila ang asawa ko at anak na dapat... dapat... ako ang gumagawa pero sa halip... pinoprotektahan sila laban sa akin.

"But I wanted to see if she's really okay..." nawawalan ng lakas kong sambit. 

Gusto ko lang malaman kung... kung maayos ba ang kalagayan niya. I want to make sure our baby would be safe, so as her."

I explained that so they would know that I won't do something bad against them. Hell! I love them! Hindi ko sila sasaktan! Pero sinong maniniwala? Sino? Kung bago ko pa sabihin iyon, nagawa ko na siyang saktan higit pa sa ginusto ko?

My cousin helped me returned to my room. I keep on explaining to them that I wouldn't do something that could hurt my wife but they wouldn't listen.

Sa ganoon ako nakatulog habang umiiyak at nagsisisi at walang kaalam-alam na ang kamumulatan ko kinabukasan ay ang balitang tinangka niyang magpakamatay.

I thank God that this time, my cousins didn't managed to stop me from coming to her. Sa pagpipilit ko, walang nagawa si Blake kahit anong pagharang niya sa akin.