Shotgun Rider

Something's got a hold on me

Elliot wanted to go talk to her, he needed to. But everyone had told him if he didn't give her some space, things between them would only get worse.

So for the first time in the seven years he had known her, Elliot was hesitant to go knock her door.

How could things between them possibly get any worse though? She was completely ignoring his existence.

He was spiraling, everyone around him knew it.

And Dammit those nightmares, he had been having the same reoccurring nightmares since the day he found out she left, nightmares about losing her entirely, not just from his life but from the the entire world.

They were based around what almost happened a few weeks ago.

What he couldn't bare to even think about.

And the more time passed without seeing her, the more vividly they played out and the more real they began to feel.

It was terrifying.

And so embarrassing, he's stronger than this. Elliot Stabler doesn't wake up panicking from nightmares. My gosh, that didn't even happen when he had PTSD from the military.

It didn't happen after any traumatizing case, and there were so many of them he had lost count.

What was this woman doing to him?

                                     ~~~

Flashes of Olivia's lifeless body on the cold floor, played out in his mind. her eyes rolling in the back of her head, blood gushing everywhere, her face turning white, his hand feeling for a pulse that was gone.

Flashes of his partner bleeding out in front of him.

Each time he had that same nightmare, he always woke up right before he blurted out the three words, he only ever allowed his mind to say in that split second he thought he was losing her.

"Olivia, don't go I.."

                                          ~~~

It was now a quarter after midnight and Elliot yet again, was swimming in a pool of his own sweat, gasping for air.

Crying out her name.

"Dad"

No response.

"Dad"

"No response."

"DAD!" The voice echoed much louder than before, julting him awake.

"Ahh, what!? He gasped nearly falling off the bed.

"Dad, you're scaring me, what the hell was that about?" Kathleen questioned, her voice laced with confusion.

"Kathleen?" His eyes wandered around the room trying to make out his surroundings. "What are you doing here?"

She raised her brow at him, "Do you not remember?"

"You picked me up from Trevor's house because, his dad was making me uncomfortable, I had to beg you not to kill him.. we went to denny's afterwards?" she went on, trying to jog his memory.

This was weird, it had only been a few hours and he didn't remember how she got there?

Elliot stared off into space, trying to remember the events his daughter just described to him, but his body was still in fight or flight mode and his mind was foggy.

Finally, after an unusually long minute, things came back to him, and he could see the relief on Kathleen's face when he bellowed a loud "ohh." As he slowly came back to reality.

"You scared me dad, I thought you might have dementia or something."

He laughed lightly "No honey, not yet at least."

"Are you okay though?" she asked, that same expression returning to her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine honey." He tried to assure her, even though he knew she probably heard him screaming.

"Are you sur."

"Sweetheart, I said I'm fine."

His daughter wasn't convinced, she made her way to the side of his bed and pressed her hand to his forehead, "dad, you're covered in sweat that must've been quite the intense nightmare, do you have PTSD from what happened with Olivia?."

He visibly stiffened at the mention of her name, the nightmare still fresh, and his mind not exactly fully awake yet.

"What would make you think that?" He replied, hoping she wouldn't pry any further, his kids didn't need to be involved in this, he didn't want them to suspect anything strange when he didn't even know what was going on himself.

"Because you were screaming her name." she said, squinting her eyes at him in puzzlement.

"Was I? That's weird."

Kathleen crossed her arms and gave him a challenged look "Dad, come on, you might be a good liar at work but you'll always be a horrible one in your person life.. especially when you're talking to me."

"Honey, it's not something you need to worry about, I don't even  know why I would say that."

"Your ears are red."

"What?"

"Your ears are red." She repeated, "your ears get red when you're lying."

"Kathleen, why don't you go to bed? don't you have school tomorrow."

"You should go talk to her." she blurted out, ignoring his last statement.

"Kathleen.." he warned.

But she didn't budge.

"Dad."

"Kathleen, seriously!"

"I'm serious dad! You should go talk to her, do you think I'm stupid? I know, I've known for years."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You heard me dad, I wasn't born yesterday, even if to you, it seems like I was, I'm a woman now, I've been one for a while, and we know things."

"Whatever you think you know, you can't know because, I don't even know." He babled in response, although what he said was true, he didn't know.

Or maybe he did know, but denial is a strong thing.

"I'm not saying you have to pour your heart out to her, but at least go apologize."

"I did! I left her a voicemail, I called her 30 times!" Now he was getting angry, he had to remind himself this was his daughter, and now was not the time to lose his temper.

"She'd rather hear you say it to her face, otherwise she's going to think you're just telling her what she wants to hear so she'll come to you."

Elliot looked at her with the up most puzzled expression before he replied, How would you know that? she's not a family member, you don't even know her."

"You're wrong dad, she's been like family to us for a long time."

And those words right there caused tears to well up in his eyes, his kids considered her family.

It was a weird dynamic.

But not one he was willing to just let go of.

She couldn't just never talk to him again.

Cus' as much as she thought of him as a stubborn son or a bitch, she was one too.

Kathleen was right he had to go to her.

"When did you get so mature?" he smiled at his daughter sadly.

She smiled back before evolving him as a hug.

"I wasn't born yesterday."