I Did Not Want To Fall For You

Chapter 24: For your penance

"So how do you feel about it all?"
"I feel like it's a stigma. I'll always be that girl that was almost raped. It will affect the way people look at me and the way they relate with me. I am not sure if I can deal with that."
"Well, it doesn't have to be that way."
She adjusted her position on the kneeler. The Reverend Father assigned to her school's Catholic Church was behind the white screen.
"How?"
"First, let me ask you. Do you in any way feel like you brought this upon yourself?"
"No... maybe. I insulted them. I know an insult is not a good reason, nor any reason at all, to rape someone but somehow, I feel it's the consequence of my action."
"If you insult me, what do you think I'll do?"
"Scold me?"
"Same with your parents, is it not?"
"Yes."
"What about your friends?"
"They'll insult me back."
"What of a stranger, what do you think they'll do?"
"Probably ignore me or insult me back."
"So you see, none of these people will go as far as plotting to harm you. The boys you talked about are not strangers to you, they are not your friends either as you said. They taunted you and you felt the best way was to insult them. That's wrong though because you let your anger speak. You are responsible for your actions but you are not responsible for theirs. They planned something so evil because they are losing their conscience which is a very dangerous thing to allow to happen. The armed robbers and killers and even the corrupt government officials we hear about are that way because their consciences are dead. God speaks to us through our conscience so when you begin to neglect your conscience and dabble in sin, it slowly dies until you can't distinguish between good and evil. It is not your fault that they neglected their conscience, it will never be your fault, do you understand?"
"Yes, Father."
"So get rid of that guilt. But avoid insulting a person in the future, no one likes insult. Let the anger cool before you speak."
"Okay, Father. Thank you."
"So we are back to... what?"
"The stigma. I said it feels like a stigma."
"Yes dear, it can feel like a stigma if you choose to see it that way. You decide whether you want the incident to define you or not, it is just one out of the many experiences of life, and you'll overcome it. I'll advise you to. I know you are a strong girl and I thank God for the friends who helped you. You know Jesus loves you personally?"
"Yes, Father."
"Do you feel that Jesus loves you personally?"
"I... I guess?"
"He does. He sees you for who He created you to be, His child. Thank Him that they didn't accomplish the act, He knows why. Some He let them go through it fully, Some never experience it at all, He knows why. Perhaps one day, you'll see a positive light in it. Okay?"
"Okay," She heaved out a breath. What positive light? Except maybe it proved to her that Kaito and Nonso were true friends.
"It may not be easy but you can forgive them, my dear. Take it slowly, refresh yourself with God's word every day, and spend time in prayer, it will fill you with His love. It will help you forgive them and not to blame anyone for what happened. Choose the path of peace."
"Okay, Father."
"May God bless you. For your penance..."
"I still have another question," She blurted out quickly.
"Go on."
"Is it okay to kiss?" Her mouth was practically glued together as she forced the words out.
Father was quiet for a second then he spoke, "You have someone you like?"
"Yes, my boyfriend."
He chuckled lightly, "Well, I'm glad you haven't chosen to despise the entire male race. You know kissing is an intimate act, right?"
"Yes."
"And that level of intimacy, I believe is meant for married couples only. It is always done with the intention of intimacy and though for your age, you may not have any of those ideas, it may lead you to want to explore more."
She thought of Kehinde B.
"And I have heard of many occasions where young people like you kiss and unconsciously take it further and they sin. Kissing easily leads to lust. In summary, Kamsi, kissing is an intimate act meant for married couples alone. It is not so harmless."
"Yes, Father." She was disappointed and at the same time relieved.
"Don't worry, about a decade more and you might be able to do these things freely with no hindrance."
She blushed heavily.
"For your penance..."