It all started with Joy.

Chapter 9: Busted.

"But," I remark shooting her a side-eye, "I have been having these weird exchanges with someone else, and every time that happens, I can feel the butterflies flutter in my stomach and my heart racing, and I haven't felt the same with Sam. He is caring and he compliments me all the time, which is flattering, but maybe I should feel different?"

"How many dates have you been on?"

"One," I admit.

Millie glares at me, throwing her arms in the air in despair. "Lily, what do you expect? Not everyone connects deeply with another person straightaway; that is completely normal. It may be a slow burn kind of love rather than a wildfire."

"What if it is wildfire with the other person?" I ask, feeling the worry in my tone and avoiding eye contact.

My best friend's eyes dart around the room before settling back on me as she leans forward, resting on her forearms, "do I know this other person?"

I feel my heart sink. I have never lied to Amelia; she knows everything that has ever happened in my life, from my mad crush on Jesse McCartney when I was thirteen -which is still going strong, if you ask me- to my failed dancing career, from being my coffee buddy to my gynae buddy. She is my ride or die, and there isn't a secret we haven't shared but, right now, I cannot find the right words to tell her that yes, she knows the other person because it's her brother. What if she gets upset? What if this silly feeling ruins our friendship? What if it drives a wedge between her and Jay? I could never forgive myself. I cannot be honest; I have to lie.

"No, it's someone from the hospital...we have been working together for a while now."

"Has this guy expressed any interest?"

"Not with so many words... or any at all. I mean, I love the banter for sure, but I just feel safe around him, it's weird. I feel I can be my goofy, bizarre self around him, and he doesn't judge me or forces me to act in a certain way. He's kissed me a couple of times, and I could feel this heat building up in the pit of my stomach that I could not control, taking over my senses and my better judgement."

Millie cocked her head, "wait, he kissed you while you were working?"

"No! It was during...breaks?" What? I know, I am putting myself in a sticky situation.

"Whatever, Lil. Regardless of when or how it happened, you have these feelings for somebody else; now, you have to decide if you want to move forward with this colleague, if it's actually worth it, or if you would like to explore where this path with Sam could lead you."

I look down at my niece, observing her chest moving up and down at regular intervals. "If only it were that easy, Mills."

Amelia shakes her head and takes my hands into hers. "Lilith, it's never easy. When it comes to love, everything is so unpredictable, and that's the beauty of it, but there is one thing I need to tell you, and I want you to think about it. Don't settle for somebody because they are a safer choice, or to fill a void; take risks. Will your heart get broken? Possibly, but I will be here, helping you to glue the pieces together. I know you want to protect your heart, you always have, but don't choose a person because they are sweet, and would fit well in your life, because I know that is what you are thinking. Does this colleague of yours make your heart race and leave you breathless? Embrace it. You need to love Lily, you deserve it, and you can only do it if you make yourself vulnerable."

I blink a few times trying to keep the tears from spilling. She is right, and I am aware of it; at 28, I have never had a serious relationship because I have never let myself get attached to anybody to safeguard my heart. It had already shuttered many times through the years, and I didn't want it to happen again because of a guy. I ended up building a wall that was proving hard to dismantle, and, probably, I have not even managed to remove the first brick yet. I just nod and let the topic drop because I have a lot to think about.